Why am I here? I'm sure there's better things you could do with such a nice evening than watch a glorified training session for the players that Micky 'strong and silent type' Apples doesn't fancy. Still, what we're going to surely see is a few of them step up and show exactly what they're made of. We'll score 8 or 9, with one of the outcasts playing so irresistibly well that we'll all agree that it's a good job we didn't get Simms after all.
Why is K/AFC Fylde here? It's such a weird concept for a club. A team representing a wider area that already has one too many clubs anyway, even discounting Dave 'great employer' Haythornthwaite's start up. I actually quite like that Fleetwood has a club. It's a real place with a derelict fish curers, the Mount, that bit where the trams turn round and everything but K/AFC are basically based at a roundabout. Still, snobbery gets you nowhere. Unless you are dead posh and I'm not, so I should be a bit more charitable to our hosts. Who supports them though?
I chat to a nice fella on the way up. He tells me he goes to see Man City youth games more often than Fylde. On the way out, I see the slightly infamous K/AFC car and note that on the parcel shelf it has a neatly laid out Liverpool minikit. I wonder if that's what K/AFC are for - people who watch other teams. When we get in, I can count their fans. About 250 I think.
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Owen Dale is the player I'm hoping will be the surprise package. I like players with a swagger and he swans about like he's a little Cantona. If he had a collar, it would be turned up. I don't remember Cantona passing free kicks straight out of play though. He liked to belt it from the edge of the box but he generally put it somewhere near the goal as opposed to 10 foot wide and ten foot over.
At least Dale has an effort. The only other things Pool do in the first 44 minutes and 30 seconds are to avoid the ball, (CJ) whallop a good chance straight at the keeper (Lavery) and knock a pearoller wide (Jerry.) Fylde are definitely the better side. We do lots of pointless passing and get caught in possession or give possession away more than once. We look very uninspired. It's not so bad not looking like you can find away through a Premier League side but this is a side 3 leagues below us and they have the better efforts.
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Maxwell tips one over that I don't see clearly cos I'm pointing out where I got my pint from to someone. Maxwell makes a decent sharp stop from a right defensive flap at a corner. Maxwell makes an excellent stop from a close range effort that is flagged offside. Jordan Thorniley is the only outfield player I can say is definitely playing well.
Then little Jack Moore picks it up and runs with it from in his own half. He goes past two players, he offloads to CJ who cleverly scoops it on and into the path of Moore who has carried on his charge. He's like a little battery powered toy speedboat ploughing a fizzing wake through the parted Fylde defence. He takes the return ball nicely, he squares and Jerry makes little fuss of the finish, tucking it home like it's the year before last and he's a deadly poacher once more.
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To be honest we were pretty dire. Lavery is not so much on fire as doused with flame retardant foam. Dougall is just doing Dougall things but when no one is doing owt else, that's pretty pointless. CJ had one good touch for the goal and a shot on target I forgot about above but has had about 8 moments where the crowd collectively mutters "ffs CJ." Bez is nondescript. Apter is trying and is clearly a decent player but he's not a left back. Fylde have been taking it quite seriously and done ok but they've attracted a few bookings already as if wanting to leave their mark on us to prove a point. I'm not sure what that point is to be honest. Probably the best thing Dale did in the half was get up and give a bit back to a lad who quite obviously scythed him down.
I like the ground though. It's got character in that it feels quite continental. The balmy summer evening is giving off the kind of vibes that suggest to me that we could be playing in the south of France. I decide I'll pretend I'm not on the outskirts of Wesham and that I'll overlook that the main stand looks like a Booths with some seats tacked on and instead tell myself that the sloped roof design is a bit continental and we're on a preseason tour. What else am I going to do if the second half is anything like the first?
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We are happily a good bit better second half. It seems like Appleton is really expert at halftime. Maybe he should just bollock them before the game? We aren't so painful to watch when we resume and put pressure on their goal from the off. Jerry is really good at football. He has it wide. He puts a beautiful ball over and Thorniley heads wide when he should hit the target. Jerry next tries to curl one in from a difficult angle and nearly pulls it off.
We are happily a good bit better second half. It seems like Appleton is really expert at halftime. Maybe he should just bollock them before the game? We aren't so painful to watch when we resume and put pressure on their goal from the off. Jerry is really good at football. He has it wide. He puts a beautiful ball over and Thorniley heads wide when he should hit the target. Jerry next tries to curl one in from a difficult angle and nearly pulls it off.
CJ does pull off an audiacious little shimmy and knocks it to Shayne. Lavery copies him. Their defence is flumoxed. It's brilliant to watch. The ball is back with CJ. This is going to be a fantastic goal!... He twats it a mile over. FFS!
Apter gets forward and pulls back. Dougall has a Wembley-esque effort and their keeper saves low down. Jerry plays a delightful through ball. Lavery belts after it gets to it and sort of stands on it and falls over and the keeper gathers it low at his feet. His face tells you everything about how it's going for him at the moment. The word is, I think, 'rueful'
Jack Moore has again done ok, but he's absolutely cut out by a long diagonal that he gets lost underneath. From the resulting possession, Fylde sweep the ball across and a low effort is really well saved by Maxwell who has definitely been good tonight. His distribution has been excellent as well and several times his throws start decent Pool moves.
The most decent move of the night involves Hamilton haring down the right, leaving his man for dead. He looks so good sometimes. Usually he runs it too far or gets all tangled up in his own legs, but this time he clips it nicely for Bez who meets it beautifully and cracks it hard into the roof of the net. It's a really good finish and probably the best goal of preseason.
Apter gets forward and pulls back. Dougall has a Wembley-esque effort and their keeper saves low down. Jerry plays a delightful through ball. Lavery belts after it gets to it and sort of stands on it and falls over and the keeper gathers it low at his feet. His face tells you everything about how it's going for him at the moment. The word is, I think, 'rueful'
Jack Moore has again done ok, but he's absolutely cut out by a long diagonal that he gets lost underneath. From the resulting possession, Fylde sweep the ball across and a low effort is really well saved by Maxwell who has definitely been good tonight. His distribution has been excellent as well and several times his throws start decent Pool moves.
The most decent move of the night involves Hamilton haring down the right, leaving his man for dead. He looks so good sometimes. Usually he runs it too far or gets all tangled up in his own legs, but this time he clips it nicely for Bez who meets it beautifully and cracks it hard into the roof of the net. It's a really good finish and probably the best goal of preseason.
We get to see Tayt Trusty who is gloriously rugged in the tackle and Brad Holmes who has a half chance he doesn't react to quite quickly enough but the game plays out without much further incident aside from the referee blowing confusingly early and no one quite realising the game has ended for about 20 seconds.
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Did we learn much? Not really. Bez has added a little to his highlights reel for prospective employers. Jerry played ok without quite setting the world alight and again, he and Lavery didn't really combine very well. CJ was the best and worst player on the pitch at different points. Thorniley continues to trudge about looking like a fella doing a double shift carrying bags of cement but being quite good at being a central defender in a way that sadly for him, football managers don't seem to fully value. The kids didn't do much wrong but neither of them really screamed 'definitely will eat up the Championship and spit it out with impudent disdain if you start them on Saturday.' I think Apter is the more ready of the two and whilst not a left back in a month of Sundays, I did like his willingness to tangle with attackers.
It was a kickabout in the sunshine. It didn't matter at all. I quite enjoyed it in that sense. The long grind starts very soon.
Onward...
Onward...
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