I'm driving home (see how I've cunningly I've subverted your expectations, by starting, not just at the end but after the end. There are no rules here. We do what we feel, this is samba, free form football blogging) and Steve Bruce is saying 'we just need a slice-a-luck, the rub of the green, the ball to drop for us' on the car radio.
He doesn't sound convincing. He doesn't sound convinced. He's been doing this a long time, he tells Ian "you've made your point, now get off" Chisnall, and then he tells him it again. Then again. What we learned, therefore, in several different ways, in case we missed it the first (and the second) time is that we're unlucky according to Steve Bruce and Steve Bruce has been doing this a long time. Ian "Jeremy Paxman" Chisnall asks Steve "worselves" Bruce such thrusting questions as "when you're down the bottom, that's the luck you get eh Steve?" and Bruce is delighted to bite his question off to answer in the affirmative.
Perhaps that's good communication. Like saying "442" 3 times before a game, in case the lads get confused and think it's another formation, which it isn't. It's 442. Do your best, keep it tight, don't get in front of the ball too often, don't let them get behind you. Say it all three times. I've been doing this a long time. I'm going for a cup of tea, any questions to Steve or Steve or whatever the other two are called...
Etc.
I'm wondering to myself though - If we just need a ''slice-a-luck' (that's for sure)' then why are we paying probably the most expensive managerial setup in the club's entire history loads of money? IF football is just this simple - that sometimes the luck is with you, and sometimes it's not, then why bother with all the Steves and the sporting directors to appoint the Steves and the data team to give the data to the Steves for the Steves to ignore (cos fuck me, the data is shite when you look at it and says 'nah, lads, it's not luck, we're actually objectively shit) when actually, you could just get some lucky heather and give the job to Matty Blinkhorn once you've doused him in holy water and we'd be up the league in no time.
Is it that simple?
The game. We started really well. It's all relative to the season so far but for the first time in what feels like forever, we actually put a few passes together, pressed a bit and played a bit of football. CJ scored a CJ goal, in that he managed to hit it straight at the keeper but it went through him but no one cares, all goals are great goals but if you don't feel the love when CJ gets something right, then you have no soul and probably would advocate putting dogs and cats stuck in an animal sanctuary down as a 'waste of resources' and probably don't bother with meals, replacing them with those 'huel' drink things because they're 'more time efficient' - CJ is CJ and we're stuck with him and yes, he does CJ things, but sometimes (it doesn't happen all that often I grant you, but it does) he's ace and tonight, he had a good night so fucking enjoy the moment or just accept you are dead inside. Ole!
Then the curse of Steve Bruce's weirdly misfiring, increasingly shoddy looking 90s football funhouse* struck again. In this respect, we are unlucky. Perhaps the Steves have run over some cats or walked under some ladders or broken some mirrors, but just as Imray collects a ball beautifully, he goes down screaming. It looks to me like an impact injury and worryingly like something snapped in his knee as he lands on his weight bearing leg after leaping for the ball. In such circumstances, it's tempting to bemoan our luck, like we're the ones suffering - but we'll get another right back (in fact, here's Andy Lyons, right now) and Danny Imray has only one career and as Andy Lyons knows, only too well, an injury at the wrong moment can set you back so many years, just as everything seems to be going so well.
*at this stage, the funhouse is basically just an old garden shed with no windows or door, and a hole in the roof, with just the words "Andrey Canchelskis" (spelled wrong) scribbled in faint crayon on a dirty piece of paper pinned to the wall
We'd knocked it about nicely - Bowler had found a bit of space (and set up the goal), Morgan found runs with cute passes, we'd won some corners and CJ got to the byline and hung a beautiful cross up for Taylor to nod wide - but Imray's injury is a disruption to the rhythm. Luton look really tepid initially, but they warm a bit to their task and get some crosses in. Fortunately they seem to have not packed a striker for their trip away to the seaside, so the crosses are fairly moot. We do nearly concede a very surreal goal, where BPF runs out, tackles a player like an outfielder inside his own box and then everyone sort of just stops until, obligingly Luton hack the ball over the bar. It seemed as if we'd broken down inexplicably.
We get to half time without great incident and without any of remaining decent players losing a limb or spontaneously combusting.
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The bar is very low, but I'd say that's the best we've played in terms of moving the ball and moving for each other. It's not like it was the Milan of Gullit, Van Basten etc or anything - but we've looked vaguely competent and Luton have obliged us, by leaving lots of space to break into which suits how we play.
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Ye gods, CJ has done it again. It's the same goal more or less, with Jordan Brown setting the move away with a great tackle and long pass, Taylor playing the Bowler role and the shot again striking the keeper (but, to be fair, being more confidently placed.) I'll admit freely, I didn't have 'CJ scoring a brace and Blackpool in charge of the game' on my bingo card for this point tonight, but this is the wonder of football. It surprises. It's always the same, but always different.
At this point (somewhere around an hour) I'm feeling unexpectedly relatively pleased with things - it's not been vintage by anyone's definition, but Casey looks calm, Ihiekwe has suddenly found some form in the last few weeks and looks actually decent, Coulson hasn't been shredded too often by a paper shredder winger so far, Lyons is coping with being chucked in, Jordan Brown looks the best midfielder on the pitch, Bowler has shown some moments of languid quality, Taylor, I actually really like - I know that people expect striker who cost money to score goals and that sort of thing, but I like that he doesn't look that fussed about it - his general play is good, his touch, his weight of pass and so on suits bringing others into play. He seems to have a certain patience about him and there's just a quality to some things he does that feels mature for his age. If we were any good, I think he'd be very good. Maybe this is the loose foundation of a team?
That's the thing. How you look at it is so coloured by the result at the time and as I'm thinking the above, it looks like we're heading for a comfortable win. We even manage to create a few more half chances, Bowler acrobatically hooks over after more good work from CJ, CJ has a couple of efforts for the hat trick. Luton look shit. A shit team in a shit kit the colour of some kind of watery lime flavoured ice pop.
Then they suddenly don't look shit and all the optimistic appraisals are in the bin.
They make some subs. They bring on a couple of tricky lads and a big lad. The big lad reminds me of someone, A kind of pigeon toed, barrel chested someone. He has a certain trot and a certainty in his own presence. He looks for contact with his defender, he's happy playing with his back to goal. Fuck me, I miss Gaz Madine and this lad is the dream we all dream. We all dream of a mobile Gaz Madine and they've got one. We don't have any kind of Gary Madine, mobile or otherwise or even just Kylian Kouassi, because why the fuck would a side with a keeper who can ping it on demand and who play a lot of direct balls need something as frivolous as a physical presence up front? That would be absolutely ridiculous!
Luton are now a completely different prospect. Their crosses have purpose, our defence is swarming to try and prevent the ball reaching fake Norwegian Madine and that means shape isn't kept. There's space for players to run into. A corner. He heads just wide.
We make some subs. None of them are what I want to do. Horsfall is a big lad. Why not fight fire with fire? We bring on first Tom Bloxham, who does one really good thing that might have led to CJ's hattrick, then runs about like he's been challenged in the dressing room to perform the game in the manner of someone humping bags of wet sand on his shoulders. In contrast to their new striker, he doesn't seek contact with his centre half and barring that one initial run, he doesn't pull players to him. rather seeks space. He needs to learn how to play this role or we need to use him differently because he's talented, but this is pointless cos he just can't play off long balls and centre forwards in teams like this need to be able to.
Then they score. It's deflected (there's the luck that you can only see if you've been in the game as long as Steve Bruce) and a bit against the run of play if you look across the half, but it's not against the run of the most recent 5 minutes, which has been increasing Luton pressure.
We make more subs. Now we'll see Horsfall. We don't. Instead we get Emil Hansson, who, being the weight of breath of wind and about the height of a milk bottle seems unlikely to nullify them as well as Lee Evans who is brilliant at pointing and having a huff at his own players, but again, when I last checked, not really likely to disrupt a side playing around a target man very much as he's not a) central defender or b) very good at running about when nippy lads are doing stuff. When I last checked, Horsfall was one of the best defenders in League 1 and we'd outbid Stockport (who are reasonably minted) for his contract - so it seems, to be quite frank, really fucking weird that he never, ever comes on, even when there's a threat that looks absolutely made for him to deal with.
What follows is a bit like what happens if you put an ice sculpture on top of a fire. What previously looked to have some shape and form, just melts into a puddle. It's a shame filled pool of piss from a child who has been bullied to the point of terror. We look frightened, we can't get hold of the ball, we twat it away, we twat it into the stand, we try and run with it but get nowhere and Luton press. They press with quite a lot of patience and move the ball, trying to work the angle. They manage to fizz it across the face of goal a few times, they force BPF into a few punches and a good claim, they work the defenders, they force some blocks. It's not like they're hitting the woodwork or forcing double finger tip saves every 30 seconds - but it's relentless and we look rattled and lost.
Then more of that bad luck that only 45 years of footballing experience allows you spot. Never mind the relentless pressure. They get a penalty. Just a random event that has nothing to do with allowing them to play in our half and on the edge of our box pretty much at will. I don't know if it's a penalty or not. The big lad flicks it on, a little lad and Casey come together with some force. It's hard to tell who upends who. I don't write this to be definitive - watch it, make your own mind up, I don't know. It's given and after some scuffling in the box between Albie and some lads twice his size, it's dispatched and the brief bit of optimism I felt half an hour before now feels foolish.
They end the game on top.
For fucks' sake 'Pool.
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Before the game, I honestly struggled to find any optimism. We've been rank bad this year - yes, we've had a half here or there where we've matched the opposition - but we've never really looked dominant and we seem to treat matching other league 1 teams for a bit as a sign of some kind of earth shaking progress as if we're not a side who stated the ambition of promotion at the outset, but a plucky set of chancers in a league of giants.
We didn't 'dominate tonight, but there were points in the game where we played well enough and seemed to have the measure of Luton. I quite enjoyed the novelty of us scoring and having a few attacks! What we failed to do, in any way shape or form, was react to a side changing their shape and trying a different approach. We also wilted visibly in the face of a side who were clearly fit and able to play hard up to the final whistle - we just fell into two banks and sat deep and invited pressure, like a little dog, backing off nervously and barking, but never biting, looking sluggish and weak in comparison.
I like some of these players as individuals and actually, my assessment of their potential isn't that different to what I felt on an hour - There's palpable ability in them - but collectively, we're just not playing well at all and even tonight, where we managed a few more shots than some previous games, we didn't really create an overwhelming amount and both goals were breakaways. There's nothing wrong with a breakaway goal - but we've not scored a single 'well worked' goal that has come as a result of collective team play, movement, a spell of pressure, this season. In fact, (a fun fact even,) CJ's brace tonight represents literally 50% of our goals from open play this year.
Maybe Luton were lucky with the penalty (I genuinely don't know) but we were lucky on several occasions where balls across the box just didn't find a foot or a head, or when a Luton player leaned back in the first half and blazed it over. Maybe being in football management for a long time teaches you that when that happens, it's not good luck but brilliant judgement by you and the coaching staff. Maybe having XG of less than 1 for game after game after game (and by far the lowest overall in the division) is bad luck, but when you score from a mishit shot the keeper should save, it's not 'good luck' but a master stroke.
I thought we played ok for a bit tonight - but this is the problem - we need points. We need wins. Not 'signs' that we're 'getting there' - We need to move up the table, fast. The Steve Bruce Experiment is utterly pointless unless we're doing well and we're really not. It doesn't lay groundwork for anything, it's not some imaginative ideas that are being slowly picked up by the squad - it's a veteran manager playing simple football, based on withstanding pressure and hitting on the break. It's simple enough stuff and it's not working. It worked a bit tonight, but then it didn't work. It didn't work when everyone was fit any more than it has worked with injuries. It's worked for the odd moment here and there this year, but overall, it's so far from working convincingly it's actually painful to think about.
Onward
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