EURO FEVER (DAY 1 - Scotland's shame)

I don't know if I can do one of these every day, but I'll have a go for the sake of it. The content will not have any great value. It's an exercise in seeing if I can lower the bar still further.

The tactical diagram from the previous blog: It appears Steve Clarke hadn't read this closely enough. Be warned other nations. Disregard MCLF's tactical insight at your peril. 

Day 1: Everything went as expected. Scotland were spectacularly bad. Their game plan resembled a non-league side playing a Champions League winner but they'd forgotten that if you need to go back to front directly then you need to kick the ball hard enough to get it up front and to have a big lad up that there to receive it. 

 
We opened the tournament with an inexplicable euro dance where people looked frighteningly happy and energetic and jumped about in what appeared to be costumes designed according the AI prompt "what happens when you mash up a cycling jersey, jockeys silks and a hockey kit?"

If you were wondering, this is the answer to the question...

On the telly Ally McCoist ended up sad which was a shame but he kept getting hugs from his co-host so that was ok. Roy Keane was high pitched and incredulous. How he remains surprised that most footballers aren't as good as the best ones week after week is amazing. Graeme Souness was both simmering and confused by life in equal measure. Ian Wright remains supremely lovable for his intense commitment to the moment. Keane's apathetic shrug when asked if was jealous of the gongs awarded to various pundits stole the show though. Keane's quality is that for all he is pastiche of himself, underneath, there's a really unspun and genuine quality to him.

On the pitch, the Germans pressed, passed and moved with sexy young players. They then, as if a nation showing their military might in a parade of weapons might tag on a couple of unconventional warheads to the end of the parade, brought some really good old players on and a really good big lad too. It was almost as if to say "we (ve) can do it like this (zis)... or we (ve) can do it like that... (zat)"  

Nagelsman has the air of an up and coming executive type at a company that has a big glass office in London. You can imagine him sweeping in and saying things like "focus on growth delivery strategy" and leaving his expensive car key somewhere you can see it, just so you know he's doing very fucking well thankyou very much and he'll crush you if you get in his way. 

Steve Clarke, it's fair to say doesn't have that vibe. He's more 'man who has worked for Ayrshire council forever but is coming toward retirement and people aren't so sure what to get him for a gift because he's not really said much about himself in the last 40 years'

Ayrshire Council building where people are wondering if Steve once mentioned if he had a caravan or not.

Sam Matterface was the lowlight of the occasion. It's easy to pile on famous commentators and complain about them but this fella is something else. He sounds like the result of what would happen if you plugged a Sainsbury's in a pre-recorded in-store advert voiceover to a search engine primed with "interesting facts about [insert team name/location of the game]" and failed to filter any of the results. He's Motson, but with none of the charm. There's absolutely nothing there. He make Guy Mowbray seem like a deep, insightful sage and master of the art of oratory. 

"Ally did you know that's only the sixth time that Scotland have taken a goal kick from the right side of the six yard box since last October"

"Aye Sam, but they've only played twice"

"Hey shoppers, check out the frozen aisle for great summer discounts! - Quality and great prices - only at Sainsbury's " 

"Sam, I' think yer a wee bit broken agin" 

In an odd way, I think this result might do Scotland some good. Steve Clarke is a good manager but he's sometimes caught between an orthodoxy and intent. Scotland are going to have to do something different.

Today? More football!!! Tomorrow - maybe another shit blog though I've got shit to do so maybe not. Who knows. 

Don't get that kind of sign off in the Athletic do you? 

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