Football Blog: Tangerine Flavoured

Sunday, March 20, 2022

Wired for sound? What's in Critchley's ears?


Neil Critchley is an amiable seeming chap. He speaks in a measured and reasoned manner, answering questions with patience and thoughtful words that seem carefully weighed to be both honest but not too revealing. He gives plenty of detail about the football, yes, but very little away about himself. 

With some managers, their post and pre match interviews really feel very revealing. Preston's new fella seems like he might be a bit susceptible to mood swings for example. Critch plays his cards close to his chest most of the time, save for the odd moment where he reveals what seems to be a dry sense of humour or a steely resolve. Once, just once, he let rip on referees and that display of feeling cemented his place in tangerine hearts. 

I still don't really know who he is though. I mean, I can picture him at the training ground, I literally see him week in week out at the football, thoughtful, brooding but then exploding with instructions and gestures. 

But who is he? 

For me, music tells us a lot about where someone's head is, how they think. I can imagine on the way home from training in the car, Ryan Lowe sticking on Cream Anthems or Ocean Colour Scene and singing along out of tune, turning to any passengers and saying "classic this one, classic" before muttering "c'mon, right hand lane you tosser" and accelerating to the junction in an aggressive way and sticking the nose of his too big executive BMW out over the line but what I really can't picture is what is on Critch's stereo. 

He definitely likes a ham sandwich and his car is very clean. The boot will be hoovered regularly on a Sunday, perhaps whilst Janine does the shopping or before they go for a nice carvery with the in laws. He'll definitely have a spare bottle of screen wash and a car jack and I don't think he's got out of the habit of carrying a map even though we've got smartphone technology. He's obviously a much more respectful and responsible driver than Lowe. Calmer, more measured, methodical. Better. That's a no brainer. 

But what's on the stereo? 

Could it be something quite bland? 

M-People or the Lighthouse Family? That fucking awful Moby record that was everywhere that they still play in ASDA?


Whilst I think Critch is all for positive thinking, I'm not sure he's the kind of guy for 'uplifiting' wallpaper. He's also a very 'faceup to reality' kind of fella and I'm going to say his tastes run a bit deeper than such musical sawdust. 


There's something quite buttoned down about wor Neil. That doesn't mean he's not intense and passionate though. Wearing a polo shirt at all times doesn't definitely mean you like Coldplay. Perhaps straight edge punk is his sonic tipple? Black Flag anyone? For what it's worth, Moby had a punk phase. And a hardcore dance phase. The latter was good. The former wasn't. 


As appealing as it is to think of Critch staring straight ahead listening to Henry Rollins or even out of his mind on some banging Detroit Techno, cos that impish vibe has got to come from somewhere.... he seems a little more whimsical than that. 


I wonder if he might enjoy the Boo Radleys' 60s tinged music that has clear pop sensibilities but contains a darker and more thoughtful undertone than the melodies suggest. It's just about the right era for his youth as well. 


Equally, I wonder if he might find that a bit frivolous. He seems so positive, but you often find is the most positive people are in touch with their inner darkness. Maybe he gets into the car, lets out a big sigh at the latest Kevin Stewart injury, calamitous refereeing decision or, I dunno, Jerry getting over excited and accidentally electrocuting himself because he's tried to warm his bath water up quicker by putting a microwave in it and pops on, I dunno, Leonard Cohen or Joy Division and just has... a moment. A moment where it all melts away. 


Somehow though, whilst I like to imagine Critch drumming his fingers, driving at at sensible pace and popping a travel sweet in his mouth to the Manics 'ifwhiteamericatoldthetruth...' I think he's not someone to stare into the abyss for too long. 


Appearances can be deceptive but sometimes they're not. What band would Critch be in? I reckon he'd fit in behind Neil Tennant in the Pet Shop Boys. There's something quite Critch about them. To the casual observer, it's just fairly tepid 80s/90s campy synth stuff but there's a nuance and a poetry beneath the surface. The way the tone shifts in the song above and the juxtaposition between the sunny lightness of the chorus' melody line and the yearningly melancholic lyrics is quite masterful. 

One day, we'll learn a bit more about Critch. Things like what his favourite crisps are and who he admires. The sort of glorious detail that late 80s football magazines would bring us, before everything got so serious. Less heat maps, more questions that have answers like "spaghetti bolognese" and "Dionne Warwick" please. 

Until then, we can only guess. Like the opposition. 

Long live the imp of mystery...





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