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| It hurts just to look at pictures of him. |
I didn't go to Hartlepool this weekend. I am but a mere part timer. Burn my shirt, for I do not deserve it. Someone else can do the match blog. It's a team effort lads. It probably doesn't need to say much more than "shite". Talking of shite, here's a random collection of thoughts.
Firstly, whilst I'm not going to do a proper blog on it, I did watch the game, whilst doing some much needed stuff I'd neglected to go to football matches. Things like attacking a sofa with a saw and wiring in a new oven. I've never felt so fucking manly. It was an electric saw too. Sofa murder. Cut the fucker up and put it all in bin bags and dumped it at the tip. Here's a thought: If you dumped a body in bin bags in the unrecyclable goods skip at the tip, would anyone check? Sometimes the best hiding places are the most obvious. Answers on a postcard.
The one thing I do want to discuss about the match itself is the horrifying moment when I realised Keshi Anderson was properly injured. It was like the moment when you realise that your much loved partner who seemed such a steady and reliable part of your life was actually having the 'it's not you it's me' conversation and then telling you 'I'm sorry, but I think it's best we spend some time away from each other' - just minutes earlier, everything seemed fine, and now they're walking away. Keshi is leaving, so slowly, with only a sad backwards glance as if he wishes it could be different but he knows it can't. We're watching on in horror, but nothing we can say or do can change this.
Clearly, it doesn't quite work as an analogy cos I don't think Kesh is going to be having a few days off then shacking up with another team, but the cold horror of realising how much I'd taken him for granted struck me. Without you, I'm nothing etc.
Maybe Critchley felt the same and was muttering to an awkward Mike Garrity on the front seat of the coach...
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NC: "I should have known Mike, I should have played CJ and let him have the Saturday on the bench in a quilted jacket. It's my fault Mike. I just thought it would be ok."MG: "CJ's a nice lad Neil. Maybe he'll.."NC: "He's a nice lad, Mike. But he's not the same"(silence aside from maudlin music played over the coach stereo)NC: "What about that other lad, the old no 10, the one who wellied it in against Sunderland? What about him Mike?"MG: "He's in Africa Neil and you let him go anyway"NC: "So I did Mike, so I did. Why did you let me do that?"MG: "Well, Colin wasn't around so...."NC: "Mike, shut up...tell me there's someone else. Tell me."MG: "There's Ollie Sarkic boss"NC "Mike. Don't talk anymore"
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Without Keshi, I'm more than slightly concerned that we're going to be actually shite. It's not just the second half against Pools. It's that we've got a midfield consisting of Kenny Dougall, Josh Bowler and some other lads who mostly can tackle or leg it and not much else. To be fair, whilst we love him and you need that sort of player, Kenny is very much in the footballing category of 'win the ball and give it to someone else' and Josh wouldn't be best described as 'a calm mind to bring a touch of class and control to a midfield'
Maybe the other team will just put four players on Bowler and let everyone else pass it square between themselves? Am I overreacting? I'm sorry. I'm not myself. I miss Keshi. He knew exactly what we needed. He fit us like a glove. He completed us. It's not the same without him. The squad feels so... empty.
If that's not bad enough, apparently everyone who is anyone now wants to sign Josh Bowler who is the only fit player we have who can attack. Ok, he's frustrating sometimes but he goes forward, not sideways and does crazy things like shooting at the other team's goals or passing it to the strikers (or at least trying to)
If I was programming him into Football Manager I'd have his stats look something like this:
Without Keshi, I'm more than slightly concerned that we're going to be actually shite. It's not just the second half against Pools. It's that we've got a midfield consisting of Kenny Dougall, Josh Bowler and some other lads who mostly can tackle or leg it and not much else. To be fair, whilst we love him and you need that sort of player, Kenny is very much in the footballing category of 'win the ball and give it to someone else' and Josh wouldn't be best described as 'a calm mind to bring a touch of class and control to a midfield'
Maybe the other team will just put four players on Bowler and let everyone else pass it square between themselves? Am I overreacting? I'm sorry. I'm not myself. I miss Keshi. He knew exactly what we needed. He fit us like a glove. He completed us. It's not the same without him. The squad feels so... empty.
If that's not bad enough, apparently everyone who is anyone now wants to sign Josh Bowler who is the only fit player we have who can attack. Ok, he's frustrating sometimes but he goes forward, not sideways and does crazy things like shooting at the other team's goals or passing it to the strikers (or at least trying to)
If I was programming him into Football Manager I'd have his stats look something like this:
Dribbling: 20Pace: 20That mad skill where he kills it out the sky and runs with it in one move 20Heading: -10Being in the right place: - 2Tackling: LOL.Passing and crossing: Maybe getting a bit better?
The point is, he's really exciting to watch. His two purposes in life are to run at the other team and keep his hair tucked behind his ears. The former he's brilliant at, the latter, he doesn't seem to have fully mastered what with him having to deal with stray strands every few minutes or so. Sometimes he's even doing it when he's probably supposed to be doing boring stuff like defending and that. He should look at Jimmy who always had his top knot neatly and securely tied but went a step further by adopting a surprisingly Snoop Dog look at the weekend. Whatever the merits of it on an aesthetic level, it's more practical than having curtains like you're channelling Madchester 89 and an ineffective headband.
I've lost track of what I'm on about. Where were we? Is Bowler any good? Of course he is. Players like this tend to split opinion and get described as 'luxury' players. They're either a great asset because they can do things no one else can or a waste of space because they don't do stuff everyone else does depending on who you ask.
Football in the modern age is increasingly technical. We analyse everything like it matters. Every goal we concede has to be acted upon as if it was an aberration. The truth is, goals conceded come from randomness as much as they come from errors. Players like Bowler lift the game when get they get the ball because you don't know what is going to happen. We need him more than ever because he creates randomness.
Keep him. Keep him. Keep him.
We've signed Jake Beesley. We need someone else who isn't Jerry or Shayne and that's all I can say. I saw him play against us last year but I have no recollection of him. That's not a sleight on his ability cos by and large, I don't really remember the opposition unless they're an outfield player who goes in goals or they look like a normal person cos they're a bit tubby or something.
With no midfield, maybe the plan is to play Gary AND Jake and hoof it at them. Imagine one of them flicking it on for the other to head it home. Lovely stuff. Perhaps Keogh could come forward for a corner, flick it to Jake who flicks it for Gaz who heads it home. Maybe that's 'the Blackpool way' now? Get into em!
Putting fantasies of playing a game based on the position of maximum opportunity aside, we desperately, desperately, desperately need some midfield quality. We're not big enough or drilled enough to play a limited game into the channels and there isn't the technical ability to play a passing game in the middle of the pitch either. Having lost Wintle and Keshi within a week has suddenly left us with an identity crisis. How do we play now?
Football in the modern age is increasingly technical. We analyse everything like it matters. Every goal we concede has to be acted upon as if it was an aberration. The truth is, goals conceded come from randomness as much as they come from errors. Players like Bowler lift the game when get they get the ball because you don't know what is going to happen. We need him more than ever because he creates randomness.
Keep him. Keep him. Keep him.
We've signed Jake Beesley. We need someone else who isn't Jerry or Shayne and that's all I can say. I saw him play against us last year but I have no recollection of him. That's not a sleight on his ability cos by and large, I don't really remember the opposition unless they're an outfield player who goes in goals or they look like a normal person cos they're a bit tubby or something.
With no midfield, maybe the plan is to play Gary AND Jake and hoof it at them. Imagine one of them flicking it on for the other to head it home. Lovely stuff. Perhaps Keogh could come forward for a corner, flick it to Jake who flicks it for Gaz who heads it home. Maybe that's 'the Blackpool way' now? Get into em!
Putting fantasies of playing a game based on the position of maximum opportunity aside, we desperately, desperately, desperately need some midfield quality. We're not big enough or drilled enough to play a limited game into the channels and there isn't the technical ability to play a passing game in the middle of the pitch either. Having lost Wintle and Keshi within a week has suddenly left us with an identity crisis. How do we play now?
I really don't know.
Everyone has their shopping lists and I'm sure people will be keen to point out that we'll probably go and buy someone and everything will be fine, but right now, at this moment in time it feels like we could get all the wingers, left backs and centre halves in the country but without a midfield it's pretty pointless. Keshi is sort of a winger, but he's much more than that. He's the intelligence that makes the difference. He is in his own words, the 'finesse' that turns us from being quite lumpen into something a little bit more.
He must be a fucker to mark cos he turns up all over the place. He manages to go and wander about without compromising the shape of the team. He scores stupidly impossible goals. He makes outrageous assists. He also tackles and stuff like that. He's no luxury. He's an essential. He's the player who has really not only come to the party, but brought the music, poured the drinks and got everyone else dancing. Replacing him is not a simple task.
Can anyone reading this play midfield? Does anyone know anyone who can play midfield?
We'll be reet. Calm down. Deep breaths. The more players we lost last year, the better we got. Somehow, it feels we're going to need more than just team spirit though. To keep things in perspective, our next opponents are covid riddled and conceded 4 to a 10 man Barrow on Saturday. There has to be a midfielder who isn't shite who needs a game or two knocking around somewhere...
Every challenge is also an opportunity. (That's the kind of blithe crap people trot out who've never been in a position where they're absolutely fucked and sometimes something is just unequivocally minging and no one should ever feel guilty for not turning their shite into gold like life is one of those misery memoirs where it turns out that all that suffering was just character forming... but it makes a good end to the blog)
(Panic) Onwards!
(And get fit and well soon Keshi - you're a fucking diamond)
Everyone has their shopping lists and I'm sure people will be keen to point out that we'll probably go and buy someone and everything will be fine, but right now, at this moment in time it feels like we could get all the wingers, left backs and centre halves in the country but without a midfield it's pretty pointless. Keshi is sort of a winger, but he's much more than that. He's the intelligence that makes the difference. He is in his own words, the 'finesse' that turns us from being quite lumpen into something a little bit more.
He must be a fucker to mark cos he turns up all over the place. He manages to go and wander about without compromising the shape of the team. He scores stupidly impossible goals. He makes outrageous assists. He also tackles and stuff like that. He's no luxury. He's an essential. He's the player who has really not only come to the party, but brought the music, poured the drinks and got everyone else dancing. Replacing him is not a simple task.
Can anyone reading this play midfield? Does anyone know anyone who can play midfield?
We'll be reet. Calm down. Deep breaths. The more players we lost last year, the better we got. Somehow, it feels we're going to need more than just team spirit though. To keep things in perspective, our next opponents are covid riddled and conceded 4 to a 10 man Barrow on Saturday. There has to be a midfielder who isn't shite who needs a game or two knocking around somewhere...
Every challenge is also an opportunity. (That's the kind of blithe crap people trot out who've never been in a position where they're absolutely fucked and sometimes something is just unequivocally minging and no one should ever feel guilty for not turning their shite into gold like life is one of those misery memoirs where it turns out that all that suffering was just character forming... but it makes a good end to the blog)
(Panic) Onwards!
(And get fit and well soon Keshi - you're a fucking diamond)
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Great stuff Matt,.. Daniel ‘Black boots and Football Pinks’ Gray , watch out ! Someone new is off the bench. ���� ��
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