Welcome to the MCLF halfway report. It's like something you'd read in the actual paper but not as good because it's not got someone going 'oi, that's way too long and you've missed out the apostrophe there!'
That's how you market a blog. I haven't got to the lofty heights of 'third best Blackpool blog on the internet' (if you discount a few) without knowing a trick or two about how to market what people call 'content' - If you like quantity, stick around.
Quality might be lacking though...
Goalkeepers:
We've got good ones. No one knows why Stuart Moore is kept hanging around but he did well in the few minutes he's played against Blackburn Rovers. It's a bit weird how he seems only there to sit on the bench though, like he's some kind of novelty mascot. I imagine Critch makes him drive around with him when he pops to Aldi and such, but makes him stay in the car just because he likes to have him sat there. Maybe he's very fragrant?
Chris Maxwell is a quality keeper and anyone who says otherwise can get in the sea. Recency bias says we mostly remember him limping about not being at his best but if you want to recall how good he is think of Sunderland away and recall how he seemed to be trying to outdo himself save by save. Think of the clean sheets last year. Think back through all our keepers of the last god knows how many years and find one who is obviously better.
I like Dan Grimshaw. He looks as if he's a hung-over lumberjack and he makes goalkeeping look quite simple, a matter of being in the right place at the right time. At first I thought he was one of those keepers who claps and points put then dives over the ball but it turns out he's pretty good at both saving the ball and lofting it to Jordan Gabriel. He's very calm and he's improving. Lovely stuff!
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Right backs:
Who remembers when we didn't have any? Callum Connolly (who has never actually played where I think he'd play best) looks like he's from the 1950s and he plays like it too. Very reliable and reserved but not very outgoing. That sort of works as an analogy. He didn't really work at right back for me as we always looked a bit wonky with him not being very adept at carrying the ball though he certainly put a shift in defensively. He's a bit like that when he plays in midfield too. Remember when Ian Rush left Liverpool, so they went and bought John Aldridge because he looked a bit like him and played a bit like him? That's Ollie Turton and Callum Connelly in my head.
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| Look - they're a bit the same. |
Dujon Sterling had us salivating after his first couple of games at full back. He looked ready to step into the Chelsea team and we were all thanking Mr Abramovich for lending us one of his massive stockpile of players that we might have been able to have anyway hadn't if he hadn't have created a kind of Romanian orphanage for young footballers that was then copied by all the other Premier League clubs. As it turns out, our initial perceptions were a bit wonky - Dujon is fine, but he's not as good as the next lad on the list.
Jordan Gabriel has the worst chant ever, but he's mint. The only thing he can't do is shoot. He's really bad at that. That doesn't matter. He's a right back. We've got him for ages as well. He's practically the new Mike Davies. He'll need to work on dinking it though. Love him to bits. I'd say he's even better than Fonz at clapping the fans as well.
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Left backs:
When we had no right backs we had loads of left backs. Reece James (not that one) looked frankly a bit cack playing in midfield but when he went to right back against Millwall he looked pretty good. He looks quite good at left back too. I don't know if it's just me, but he seems to move about out of possession like he's been carrying two massive bags of coal on his shoulders for ages and is tired out, but when the ball comes near him, he explodes into life.
Despite what the chant suggests, Carlo never actually said Luke Garbutt was shite - he had literally no idea who he was and thus, he called him nothing at all. Also, I'm not sure Garbs is fucking dynamite either, - he's a player I like, but he's kind of the opposite of Callum Connelly at full back, all forward endeavour and a bit questionable at the defending stuff sometimes. Shouldn't have had a haircut is my deeply thought through footballing analysis.
Jimmy Husband hasn't had a trim for ages and he suits the look of someone who is really into cryptocurrency and coffee. He also increasingly suits playing centre back even though some of us (me included) still get a bit jittery at the thought of it. Jimmy is probably the player without a chant who deserves a chant most. He's capable of out jumping people far bigger than him, timing a challenge to perfection and pointing/shouting at corners. What's not to love?
---Fuck me, Jimmy Husband on the metaverse is insane.
— Mitch Cook's Left Foot (@cooksleft) December 1, 2021
Now Gary is wondering if we're aliens in world within a world.
This is the greatest football related content ever. Without a question. #utmp https://t.co/BFA1ISHgeR
Centre backs:
Why did we buy Ollie Casey? Who knows? He's played twice in the league cup, once at right back and didn't look dreadful but other than that, what is to say other than it seems there's a lot more footballers called 'Oliver' than there once were?
I have a theory that Daniel Grettarson has been mistaken by Critch for Jordan Thorniley. Critch has forgotten he sent the latter to Oxford so keeps saying to the Viking things like "On the bench today Jordan and we'll look at moving you on in January when the lad from Iceland gets up to speed" to which the Viking looks puzzled and Mike Garrity mouths "just go with it Dan - I'll try and speak to him again" Another equally likely theory is that whilst the Iceman is clearly an able footballer and his positioning and distribution are excellent, the fact he seems to get poleaxed about 4 times every 45 minutes has led Critch to not be able to start him, such is the pain of watching him play.
Why did we buy Richard Keogh we all thought. What a shoddy, Oyston-era type signing that felt like. How wrong we were. Even though he makes Brian Reid and Kirk Broadfoot look nimble and his first few games were a bit of a disaster, he's proven to be a shrewd signing, bringing know how, aerial prowess, beautiful use of the ball, terrific eyebrows, tremendous pointing at things no one else can see and so much more. I have never, ever seen a player of his age be so rawly enthusiastic about playing football in front of people. His celebrations are to die for. What will happen when he finally scores for us? Who knows? Everyone on the pitch? Football ends because it can't get any better? We love him.
That Mitch Cook’s Left Foot slated my first few games of the season…and I took that personally pic.twitter.com/0f4lXj2qww
— Athers (@AthersBFC) September 25, 2021
Hands up who remembers that Marvin Ekpiteta didn't start the season in the team. I know! Mentalism. It's like getting your head round the fact that the universe will start and end. It just doesn't compute. I'm tempted to write here that he's utter shite just to put off bigger clubs but then the idea that bigger clubs are thinking 'I know, we'll browse some shite football blogs as a guide to where to spend our billions' seems a bit far fetched. Giving the captain's armband was a stroke of genius - it's brought him out of his shell. He's not perfect, he still sometimes relies on his ability to recover more than he might, he still occasionally has a mad wander but honestly, one of those inch perfect sliding tackles or incredible blocks that are like having an extra goalie and you'd forgive him anything.
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Central Midfield:
It's scary how few of these we have. We've tried playing full backs there but it's not a great plan. We've tried playing Kevin Stewart there but he breaks. It's a real shame that, because Kev is superb. I never really 'got' him watching on the laptop in the lockdown but in the flesh he's terrific. He blends physicality and intelligence and is probably good enough to free up one part of the double pivot to be more aggressive. It's just a shame he's made of balsa wood.
Grant Ward had his injury woes before he signed for us and spent the early part of his Pool career with me going 'what does Grand Ward actually do?' as he seemed an odd fit for a midfield that seemed to need steel as opposed to a nice touch and a neat pass every now and again. By the time he was carried off at Bournemouth though, Ward had become an absolute favourite, a metronome, a player of balance, poise and grace, his football as stylish as his neatly manicured beard.
Without Ward, Stewart and the yet to feature Matty Virtue, we had to turn to Ryan Wintle who is basically the most midfieldy midfielder ever. I can't decide if he's the new David Fox or the new David Vaughan. He can do everything pretty well (although I think he's only taking free kicks cos no one else wants to) and should Cardiff recall him, I think we've got a big hole in midfield to fill. He's kind of deceptively good because every game he's quite average. Which is good. Sort of. I haven't explained that very well. He's a fucking midfielder. He does what he needs to. He's midfieldy. I suppose 'midfieldy' isn't the sort of content you get in The Athletic is it? Well - fuck them. They all come from public school and are called Rory and have connections and support a team in Spain and some hipster non-league club. You can pay to get behind their paywall if you love them so much. Go on then. What are you waiting for?
Kenny Dougall has shown little sign of scoring another 2 (not 1) goals but continues to be the buzzing heart of the midfield. Flying round the world isn't ideal however and I'd have been happier if Dougs had taken up his dad's Scottish nationality because Critch has possibly got jet lag mixed up with a more serious condition as he never seems to play him for about a week and a half after he's been down under as if he thinks he might die from being tired. Like Garbs, I think losing the trademark hair has been a mistake. Return to the bleach blonde and he'll be bagging braces in no time. More flying around in our midfield please Kenny and stay off the jumbo jets. Ta.
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| Who knew I'd feature Natasha Bedingfield? Not me. |
Sonny Carey:
When you sign a player from non league football, you expect them to be a bit ragged. You assume they'll have some sort of obvious attribute, like height or pace but will require a lot of coaching to learn how to use it well. Usually they don't. Carey doesn't fit this mould at all. He's nimble, balanced and intelligent. He's technically able and ambitious in the way he plays and his genius is the subtle art of finding space. He's struggled with certain situations (usually when starting in a game we're playing poorly) but he's superb at exploiting the gaps that open up in late game situations. He could have had a few more goals than he has with a bit more luck and his effort against Sheffield United is a not quite a goal of the season contender. We can get carried away with him or we can see what he does as a bonus at this point. I'm probably in the latter camp but he's going to be superb given time.
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Right Wing:
We've got about 800 wingers and wing backs. Even Grant Ward used to be a winger.
Josh Bowler is the man who has played on the right most of the time and probably the man who has had most impact. Whenever we don't play him, we look a bit short of impact. He's an firework of a player, but sometimes (often) one that emits the loud screech then doesn't go 'bang!' at the end. He annoys people cos he isn't very good at the stuff they could do (sweating, tackling, running after the other teams players and jumping) and is very good at the stuff they couldn't (hurdling over challenges at the speed of light, stopping dead, turning on sixpence, taking the ball out the sky and killing it dead.) I think it's accurate to say, he's a work in progress.
Demi Mitchell is the proletariat workhorse to Josh Bowler's bourgeois decadent prancing pony. He'll give everything for the cause and do all the jobs that Josh won't (and he'll do them well). Unfortunately, he can't physically cross the ball with his right foot which means that playing him on the right and relying on him to provide crosses is a bit problematic.
Anyone remember CJ Hamilton? He's that lad who is very quick and I once said was better than Ronaldo. It turns out I wasn't 100% accurate there. At the start of the season, he wasn't very which unfortunately rendered him pretty impotent. He's had a rough time recently has CJ and missed chances against West Brom (when he was very quick again but finished like he was scared of the ball) and Millwall seem to sum up the way the season has gone for him. I'm not sure he's got much left in tangerine. I hope I'm wrong.
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Left wing:
Keshi Anderson is without doubt our most influential creative player and has made it look like rather than going up a league and the football getting harder, he's actually gone down and faced easier opponents. His impudence is off the scale. Some of his goals might look like luck but when you add up the number of simply ridiculous pieces of play he's pulled off, the conclusion had to be that he's a football genius. Most improved player in the squad by far. Finesse. The little golf putt finish against the team from the fake city whose university is too ashamed to use their name was Kesh in a bottle. Love him.
Tyreese John-Jules This years Ben Woodburn? In a bit I'm going to go on a rant about Gary Madine versus players from premiership academies and it's tempting to make John-Jules exhibit number one in that argument. I quite liked him though. He was clearly a bit lost playing on the left and didn't really do it for us outside of a league cup game when he delivered possibly the two best deliveries all season and a couple of sexy passes at Bournemouth. We'll mostly remember him for doing the same stuff people moaned at Kaikai for not doing very well and looking a bit scared of scoring. Like he who continues to be misunderstood at Wycombe, I can't help feeling he never really played in the right set up and I always instinctively defend the player doing the wrong job. Some people seem to go through life, sure of themselves and their purpose - others feel a bit lost and question themselves in a life full of second guesses and self interrogation. I'm not sure how we've ended up in this existential corner but you get the idea I think. Move on.
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| Imagine if we have an injury crisis and TJJ has to play and belts one in from 20 yards and then runs the game. How good would that actually be? |
Owen Dale has played on the right and the left. He was incredible for 20 minutes against Reading and since then has done very little. I like his penchant for switching the ball, his delivery and the slightly arrogant cut of his jib but it feels like he might lack a yard of pace that would allow him to make the most of what his head suggests his body does. I'm undecided on him. I wonder if Critch is also.
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Strikers:
Shayne Lavery was, according to conventional wisdom, here to give back up to Yates who displayed the constitution of an ox to keep on playing at full pelt last year when we had no one at all to replace him. It turned out Shayne wasn't here to play second fiddle though and his Jerry Yates on steroids impression has won the hearts of both fans and Neil Critchley. He reminds me oddly of a kind of a slightly failed experimental process to create the opposite of Armand Gnanduillet. Ok, yeah, that's a stretch but go with me... He chases everything, he never leaves you thinking 'what if he put his body in there?' which isn't like Armand - like Armand though, he's got the knack of missing then scoring, of making a chance, then making another. Like Armand he's slightly unconventional and I wonder if so leftfield are some of his runs (he makes runs no one else would think of let alone do), it's (like Armand in a different way) going to be difficult for anyone to strike up a proper partnership with him. In other words, his genius is what makes him but also what makes him difficult to pair with. Keshi loves playing with him but I'm not sure he doesn't run off the other strikers radar so to speak.
We've been going on the piss with Jerry Yates since May and we're still not bored of it. He's not yet hit the heights of last year where he was utterly brilliant after Christmas but he's still there and considering he's had a poor season in the eyes of some, he's actually got a very decent goal return and is our top scorer. I love Jerry to bits but he's really struggled playing on his own up front this year. That's hardly a surprise as he did last year too. I think he's going to get some crackers for us in the second half of the season. Far too good not to. I hope we play to his strengths a bit more instead of making him run around on his own because we're scared of the other team.
Gary Madine - he's a goal machine. That's all there is to say. Ok, go then, I'll bite - he's also crucial to us because he allows us to attack in different ways, adds height in defence, gives off a 'been there, done that, don't give a fuck' vibe that we need and is a far better player than he gets credit for. It's easy to point out his deficiencies (he doesn't score very often and he's not very quick) but then, it's easy to manage a team in your head according to some kind of Pep-esque wet dream fantasy where you imagine us cutting the opposition to ribbons on the basis of triangles and movement every week. The Gary-doubters seem to see him as an offence to a football philosophy built on characterless kids hothoused in giant football battery farms who've never seen the outside world, so schooled are they on a dream of 'Barcelona' as a pointless romantic end point of football because they read it in a magazine or some pundit dickhead waxed lyrical about them. Fuck Barcelona. Overrated, one dimensional and boring. I love Gaz because he's lived a life and learned from it, because he gives us something no one else does and because he's the part of the machine that shows Critchley isn't playing Football Manager 2022 in his head - having Gaz around shows he understands that without some heft, we get pinned back, without some knowhow, we can look clueless. Having Gaz around means there's a lad in the changing rooms who can say 'oi, don't be a dickhead,' with meaning in his eyes
All hail the goal machine. Sign him up. 4 more years.
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| The sort of attire you regularly see Gary doubters wearing. (fact) |
Summary:
We've been pretty steady all year. It took a few games to work out some kinks in the team but once we'd got a centre back pairing and right back, we've been generally pretty hard to beat and kept ourselves in most games. We certainly lack a little depth in midfield and even when everyone is fit, it's difficult to see where the creativity is beyond Carey who isn't yet ready to be a week in week out nailed on starter. Keshi has been tremendous but play him centrally and we lack cutting edge wide. Up front we're also a player short. The plan was possibly to play with one, hence only having three strikers but playing with two is proving an essential option and when of them is Gary Goals, inevitably one of them will miss some games.
It's always easy to look at what you need though. Football fans are like greedy kids at Christmas, having opened a mountain of gifts and then saying 'is that it?' - there's no utter shite in the squad and whilst it definitely has room for improvement, you have to pinch yourself at where we are - almost exactly the same place we were this time last year, but a division higher. We've had some immense days out (Middlesbrough, Bournemouth and Sheffield United spring to mind) and some brilliant home games (Fulham, Blackburn and Preston seem the most obvious ones. For every duff performance (like Luton, Derby or Huddersfield) there's also a sense that we can put it behind us and put in a good one.
That shouldn't be taken lightly and whilst it's difficult to see the squad as it is getting to much beyond lower mid table without a bit more in key areas, in itself that's an achievement and whoever we bring in needs to add skill and guile but also possess the same determination and spirit that has been evident throughout.
We evidently need more goals but we have a good base to build upon. We've got more than enough points to survive even if we drop off a bit and if previous years are anything to judge, our recruitment midseason is targeted and effective and should help us prevent that possible dip.
Interesting Numbers:
Most goal involvements (goals plus assists) - Keshi Anderson and Jerry Yates (7)
Most accurate passer - Richard Keogh (86.5% accuracy)
Gets most tackles in - Kevin Stewart and Kenny Dougall - (2.3 per game)
Most shots - Shayne Lavery - (34)
Most key passes - Keshi Anderson 39 (way ahead of anyone else, Josh Bowler is next with 19)
Aerials won per game - Gary Madine (5pg)
Crosses per game - Luke Garbutt 1.4 (way ahead of anyone else - Ryan Wintle is next with 0.8)
Assists from all the central midfielders combined - (1 - Kev Stewart)
GPGWGMS - We have scored 10 goals in Gary Madine's 9 starts. Thus when Gary plays from the beginning we average 1.11111111111111111111111111 (etc) goals per game.
GPGMWGDS - When Gary doesn't start (14 games) we have scored 13 goals at a rate of 0.92 per game.
The conclusion we can obviously draw here is that Gary is a goal machine or to put it mathematically -
If Gary is x then y = Goals.
Having cleared up any lingering doubts about wor Gaz, we'll turn to one of the biggest mysteries of the season which is why on earth Jordan Gabriel got dropped.
The graph below shows that our love of Gabriel isn't based merely on a whim or a fancy.
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There aren't that many other debates to really be had. If we assume 442 (and this is already far too long without getting in to that debate) - the midfield more or less picks itself - despite his faults Bowler has had a more telling impact at least in terms of putting the other team on the back foot than anyone else and the other three are shoe-ins. The defence is again fairly simple, maybe when Keogh is fit there'll be a question of Husband or James at left back. Maxwell getting injured again has solved the goalie conundrum.
The fact there's not a lot of debate is a good thing - it shows that the majority of our key players have been there or thereabouts. It also perhaps shows that we need a few players to add a bit of pressure and that some of the fringe players are not really likely to do that. If we can add that central creativity and someone to add depth to the striking options who is more like Madine than they are like Jerry and Shayne then who knows? If Bowler could play like he did on Saturday more often then he'd be closer to matching Keshi for genuine impact. Maybe he can, maybe we need another wide player. I don't know. The point is, we're not so far off being pretty decent.
Everyone thinks that though. It's this league. You can win and lose. No one is that good. No one is that shite either. Most of the games we've won we've could have lost and vice versa.
It's all to come. Covid allowing. That can fuck off. Get big Gaz to stare at it till it decides better of it and decides not to be such a dickhead about stuff.
Onward!
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