The world is on fire because England weren't fun on Friday. It was FUCKING FRIDAY AND FRIDAY SHOULD BE FUN!!!. We might as well all go into the cellar and just lie there and wait for our eventual starvation because without attacking football, we'll never win anything. Because no one wins anything playing like that. EVER. Defense is pointless. You don't score goals by defending do you? In fact, lets just leave the EUROS now. We left Europe, so lets leave the EUROS. We didn't vote Brexit for this! Not for Kalvin bloody Phillips with his hair done like he's in a skate punk band and some lad named after chinese food to pass it sideways and not SMASH THE JOCKS. It's a national disgrace. An embarrassment. I might cut my own head off in shame. Harry Kane is shit. They're all shit. The Croatia game doesn't even count. We're probably going to get disbanded by the UN and all sold into slavery to the french unless Southgate sorts it out. Might as well have lost the war.
And breath.
England were a bit shit last time out, but that's what football is like. You are sometimes shit and sometimes not. If you can put together a few not shit performances, you've got a chance. Denmark were utter shit, they hadn't even qualified properly when they won it. Greece were even worse. Like an international Wycombe. Grealish plays, so what's to worry about? Ok, the only reason we all want him to play is cos he has his socks down which always gives of a sense of someone with a bit of something so that's a good thing. Walker might not be a total footballer, but his return will add some nice pace and he should be able link with Saka. Maguire adds 'classic English centre back who will run through a brick wall' vibes and if anything says 'England' it's a meaty lad who like to head it...
Basically, cheer the fuck up and stop being a despondent nation of uberrealists . Might not happen. Then again, it might.
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Kane comes and does some deep work, then combines with Grealish before Shaw dinks a ball over the top. Sterling races onto it and himself dinks it, over the keeper and.... onto the post. Decent.
Not much happens for a while. Grealish runs and everyone gets excited. Kane comes ridiculously deep. Kane jumps for a ball that isn't really on and gets smacked in the face. He always looks like he's wearing mascara. He has the eyes of a 30s female film star.
Saka runs like a dream, he lays off to Philips, who threads it through back to him. He crosses, it's too deep, but Grealish nods it back, Kane does brilliantly to hold it and lay it wide, Grealish crosses, everyone stretches but it's the smallest man on the pitch, Sterling, who bundles it home. It's a lovely goal. Far better from England, quick, decisive and aggressive.
Southgate rocks from side to side, staring intently into the middle distance, lost in thoughts. He looks like a man invigilating a mock exam. Walker charges the keeper. Shaw closes down the hurried pass. The Czechs concede possession. That's what they simply didn't do against Scotland.
Saka is fouled on the edge of the D, but the ref calls it a dive. Southgate comes alive, like he's spotted someone trying to show their answer sheet to the table next to them. The Czechs try a bit of attacking, but the England defence is effective in cutting out the through ball and blocking the cross which sets a pattern to the game.
Saka has another run. He loses it, he wins it back, he plays it in. Everyone has a go at passing it to someone else to shoot. Maguire plays a through ball. Kane is there, 10 yards out, he controls, he turns, makes the space for a short, hits it and the keeper gets a glove out and the ball smacks into it.
From nowhere a shot from outside the box sees Pickford hurling himself to his right. As he's in the air, he looks sleek, his compact frame extending with telescopic grace. There's a series of corners and crosses, some hasty blocks and hard hit shots but England survive.
Kane takes it deep, he turns his man and the ball to Saka is outrageously well weighted. It's a dream of a pass. Away he kid races, streaking down the right again, he finds Sterling whose cross is blocked. Saka belts down the right yet again, Grealish takes over, he run then just at the last second, as it looks like he's going to take on his man, lays it off then steps over the return pass to leave it for Shaw who hammers it at the near post and sees it beaten away.
A cross from the right, an acrobatic kick, Shaw dives in, his head hits the ball, the Czech boot hits his head. The ball bounces out to the edge of the box and is sliced back towards goal, bouncing just, just wide.
Sam Matterface helpfully explains that teams aim to win football games. Scotland score and I think about watching that instead cos there's more on it. England see out the rest of the half with reasonable ease.
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Better from England, more movement, getting players beyond Kane gives him someone to play with and makes him coming deep make more sense. Saka has been excellent, I think Walker and Shaw have also both played well. Mostly quite decent.
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Henderson is on. I don't know what it is about him, but close up he reminds me of a plastic toy action figure. Maybe a rubbish one made in Korea to imitate a more established brand that looks a bit strange. I watch him for a bit. His legs are ridiculously long. I've never noticed that before. He runs backwards for a while. England kick the ball out for a corner for no real reason. The Czechs can't take advantage.
England create some pressure. Henderson plays a lovely chipped ball from wide to the penalty spot, Kane has a big gap to run into but he stretches to control and slips. The Czechs have their own spell of pressure in response, keeping England penned back, not causing any particular trouble, but menacing on the edge of the box.
The game does have the air of a friendly. England seem to have resorted to bashing it as hard as the can up the pitch. The Czechs are quite crisp, committed and not without skill, but they seem quite predictable. Pickford races out and punches away a cross from the right. Every time, they seem to go down the right This time Pickford evokes images of an underfed lion trying to dominate the rest of the pride. Talking of underfed players. Modric scores against Scotland.
Sterling departs, Rashford comes on. Grealish comes off and Bellingham come on. England scream for a penalty as a free kick from the right is whipped in and Maguire tumbles. The world wonders when Sancho will get a few minutes. England play another long ball that's chased manfully but dealt with as all the previous ones have been. This hasn't been a great half so far.
Saka runs like a dream, he lays off to Philips, who threads it through back to him. He crosses, it's too deep, but Grealish nods it back, Kane does brilliantly to hold it and lay it wide, Grealish crosses, everyone stretches but it's the smallest man on the pitch, Sterling, who bundles it home. It's a lovely goal. Far better from England, quick, decisive and aggressive.
Southgate rocks from side to side, staring intently into the middle distance, lost in thoughts. He looks like a man invigilating a mock exam. Walker charges the keeper. Shaw closes down the hurried pass. The Czechs concede possession. That's what they simply didn't do against Scotland.
Saka is fouled on the edge of the D, but the ref calls it a dive. Southgate comes alive, like he's spotted someone trying to show their answer sheet to the table next to them. The Czechs try a bit of attacking, but the England defence is effective in cutting out the through ball and blocking the cross which sets a pattern to the game.
Saka has another run. He loses it, he wins it back, he plays it in. Everyone has a go at passing it to someone else to shoot. Maguire plays a through ball. Kane is there, 10 yards out, he controls, he turns, makes the space for a short, hits it and the keeper gets a glove out and the ball smacks into it.
From nowhere a shot from outside the box sees Pickford hurling himself to his right. As he's in the air, he looks sleek, his compact frame extending with telescopic grace. There's a series of corners and crosses, some hasty blocks and hard hit shots but England survive.
Kane takes it deep, he turns his man and the ball to Saka is outrageously well weighted. It's a dream of a pass. Away he kid races, streaking down the right again, he finds Sterling whose cross is blocked. Saka belts down the right yet again, Grealish takes over, he run then just at the last second, as it looks like he's going to take on his man, lays it off then steps over the return pass to leave it for Shaw who hammers it at the near post and sees it beaten away.
A cross from the right, an acrobatic kick, Shaw dives in, his head hits the ball, the Czech boot hits his head. The ball bounces out to the edge of the box and is sliced back towards goal, bouncing just, just wide.
Sam Matterface helpfully explains that teams aim to win football games. Scotland score and I think about watching that instead cos there's more on it. England see out the rest of the half with reasonable ease.
---
Better from England, more movement, getting players beyond Kane gives him someone to play with and makes him coming deep make more sense. Saka has been excellent, I think Walker and Shaw have also both played well. Mostly quite decent.
---
Henderson is on. I don't know what it is about him, but close up he reminds me of a plastic toy action figure. Maybe a rubbish one made in Korea to imitate a more established brand that looks a bit strange. I watch him for a bit. His legs are ridiculously long. I've never noticed that before. He runs backwards for a while. England kick the ball out for a corner for no real reason. The Czechs can't take advantage.
England create some pressure. Henderson plays a lovely chipped ball from wide to the penalty spot, Kane has a big gap to run into but he stretches to control and slips. The Czechs have their own spell of pressure in response, keeping England penned back, not causing any particular trouble, but menacing on the edge of the box.
The game does have the air of a friendly. England seem to have resorted to bashing it as hard as the can up the pitch. The Czechs are quite crisp, committed and not without skill, but they seem quite predictable. Pickford races out and punches away a cross from the right. Every time, they seem to go down the right This time Pickford evokes images of an underfed lion trying to dominate the rest of the pride. Talking of underfed players. Modric scores against Scotland.
Sterling departs, Rashford comes on. Grealish comes off and Bellingham come on. England scream for a penalty as a free kick from the right is whipped in and Maguire tumbles. The world wonders when Sancho will get a few minutes. England play another long ball that's chased manfully but dealt with as all the previous ones have been. This hasn't been a great half so far.
Both Maguire and Stones have mad runs from centre half. The Czechs have a rare attack down the left and Walker has to sprint to get a block in. The atmosphere is flat. As what sounds like about 15 people sing 'Football's coming home' England take a goal kick short but their passing doesn't get them out of their own half. The rest of Wembley resolutely refuse to join in the chorus. Scotland concede another though and the fans cheer up. Tyrone Mings comes on for Stones in the world's least exciting substitution. I think this is 'game management' - which, if you lose, the lack of which is what people who ring talksport rant about as if football is as simple as deciding not to concede a goal.
England get to the corner. Henderson checks back and they go all the way back again. Thrill a minute stuff this! The Czechs have a shot, a chance that comes from a poor Pickford clearance, but it's yards wide. Finally Sancho comes on for the excellent Saka. The Czech manager who looks like he might be an art professor at a Prague university who would be involved in a scandal and end up being led away by security whilst his office gets searched, swigs his water. His team kick the ball out of play by their own box, but England can't fashion an attack even when invited to start by the box.
Then a goal! Then not a goal. Offside denies Henderson as he tucks it away neatly from 8 yards. The time ticks on. Frankly, I'm tired, I really don't want to listen to Matterface anymore. Honestly, the man is like listening to someone doing an impression of a commentator. I'm sure he's putting his voice on. Rashford briefly raises pulses with a step over and a lovely push and go pash his man, but the cross for Sancho is headed away.
The terrible spectre of 'bad game management' briefly raises its head as England play out poorly, gift it to the opposition, but they can only run with it for a few yards and belt it miles over the top. National meltdown avoided. Another long ball chased by England. As Matterface makes a terrible pun about Scotland going into isolation, I realise what annoys me about him - he wants to be a bit of everything. He does the grandiose state of the nation Jonathan Pierce style speeches, combined with the Motson stats but intermingled with a bit of tactical observation with a sprinkle of banter thrown in. He doesn't let the game breath. He doesn't leave any space to think. He's burbling on, constantly.
Which, as someone who chats endless shit on a blog for no money and often writes over long match reports full of things people don't want to know, is just the voice of jealousy speaking.
By the way. The final whistle has gone.
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Quite good first half. Really dull second half. Nothing really happened. It was fine. England are through.
England get to the corner. Henderson checks back and they go all the way back again. Thrill a minute stuff this! The Czechs have a shot, a chance that comes from a poor Pickford clearance, but it's yards wide. Finally Sancho comes on for the excellent Saka. The Czech manager who looks like he might be an art professor at a Prague university who would be involved in a scandal and end up being led away by security whilst his office gets searched, swigs his water. His team kick the ball out of play by their own box, but England can't fashion an attack even when invited to start by the box.
Then a goal! Then not a goal. Offside denies Henderson as he tucks it away neatly from 8 yards. The time ticks on. Frankly, I'm tired, I really don't want to listen to Matterface anymore. Honestly, the man is like listening to someone doing an impression of a commentator. I'm sure he's putting his voice on. Rashford briefly raises pulses with a step over and a lovely push and go pash his man, but the cross for Sancho is headed away.
The terrible spectre of 'bad game management' briefly raises its head as England play out poorly, gift it to the opposition, but they can only run with it for a few yards and belt it miles over the top. National meltdown avoided. Another long ball chased by England. As Matterface makes a terrible pun about Scotland going into isolation, I realise what annoys me about him - he wants to be a bit of everything. He does the grandiose state of the nation Jonathan Pierce style speeches, combined with the Motson stats but intermingled with a bit of tactical observation with a sprinkle of banter thrown in. He doesn't let the game breath. He doesn't leave any space to think. He's burbling on, constantly.
Which, as someone who chats endless shit on a blog for no money and often writes over long match reports full of things people don't want to know, is just the voice of jealousy speaking.
By the way. The final whistle has gone.
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Quite good first half. Really dull second half. Nothing really happened. It was fine. England are through.
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