Never in doubt... England vs Germany

Who are we playing? Germany? I can't think of any reasons we might build this one up. Just another game etc... 

What's mad to me, is my earliest memories of German football are of West Germany. It's incredible to imagine that for a long time, half the country was off limits and the main city was split in two by a giant wall where you got shot if you tried to jump over it. It's like not being allowed to go to Birmingham because it's North Korea. Sort of. Imagine living in a grey country where there's food shortages and you're not allowed to travel eh?! 

Here's another thing (apros pos of nothing.) After the war (sorry... I went there) when the country was divided up into sections, under the rule of the different allied countries, the British quarter was very cautious about allowing football clubs and leagues to reconvene seeing them as potential rallying point for nationalistic sentiment, whereas the Americans weren't bothered and let them crack on, not really seeing football as a big deal. The Soviets viewed football as a broadly good thing in a communal kind of way and the French shared some of the British suspicion. 

What's that got to do with tonight? Literally nothing, but you've probably had your fill of people banging on about formations and saying mad stuff like 'he brings good energy' and 'that's the advantage of the defensive shield' so I thought we'd start off on a wildly different note. 

---

Harry Kane waits in the tunnel. He looks like school kid trying to look hard but not wholly convincing himself. He sets himself. He goes. The team follow, as does a volley of boos for the German anthem. People who don't really understand football crowds will probably tut and say things like "that's why we can't have nice things" Joachim Low is looking increasingly like a terrible middle aged version of the (also terribly middle aged) Stone Roses, but the Stone Roses going to a fancy dress party in a Kraftwerk outfit.

Das Germans get an early foul in. England get really excited because we can lump it in the box and we're English and that's what we get excited about. It doesn't work. No Andy Carroll... Pickford goes back to front, Kane chases it, but it doesn't work (again, no Andy Carroll.) Das Germans have an attack on the right and Kyle Walker has to head carefully wide at the far post as a nice floating cross hangs dangerously. 

Das (Die? Der?) Germans have a bit of pressure. Pickford screams for improvement, his face contorted. He's got the manner of an angry sparrowhawk. Southgate muses. He gives off the vibes of a groom at a wedding who isn't sure about the suit. Sterling loses the ball. Das Germans break like lightning. Pickford races out and kicks it harder than anyone has ever kicked a ball ever. It comes all the way back though, another break, they're through and they're being hauled down by Rice. A massive build up, but the free kick is crashed into the wall. 

England have started poorly, but they manage a few minutes without incident. Saka is getting forward more, the rest of the team are managing some sideways and backwards passing. Sterling has a go from way out, it's good, it's curling, it's heading in!... but Neur is stepping sideways, springing and getting two hands to it. Better… 

Tackles are flying in. Phillips is snarling. Maguire steps out and wins it brilliantly on the ground then bounces out of defence to win a header, sending Muller flying. If you had to imagine any of the England team as a mobile bouncy castle, it would be Harry Maguire. 

Trippier swirls a dangerous free kick, Germany smuggle it away. Phillips plays a divine pass from the centre circle to Trippier in the corner, he crosses, the bouncy castle bounces in but the header boings over the top. 

England have been on top but Germany crisply attack, zig zagging up the pitch, swinging in a cross that would be deadly if Gosens timed his leap better. Moments later, Pickford is out, making a smart sliding stop at the feet of Havertz. Don't get too comfortable!

England try to football it through on the right. Germany try to football it down the middle. Kane comes deep and lifts it over the top but Phillips can't chase it down. It's the first moment I've noticed he's playing. Finally, Kane does something up front. Coming short, he takes a pass, spins beats one, is on his way past another and is brought down. Trippier's quick dinked free kick almost catches everyone off guard but Hummels is awake and follows Kane magnetically whilst everyone else watches and gets a vital touch to turn it out. 

Then chaos. A lazy pass gifts it to Sterling 40 yards out. He charges to the edge of the box and falls, the ball pops out to Kane, he might shoot first time but he steadies himself, goes round the keeper and… again Hummels saves the Germans with a tremendous sliding tackle. A massive chance. 

--- 

Very even. 

---

The BBC spent 5 solid minutes on analysing Kane not playing very well. He's still there though. His first act is to try and flick it round the corner and lose it. From that, Germany make their way up the pitch, slowly, menacingly up the pitch. England half clear a cross but Havertz hits a vicious half volley that Pickford responds to with a full blown jack in a box spring, throwing his arm up, jack knifing in mid air and tipping it over the top. 

Sterling has a stuttering run, he makes the space to pass, but then continues to run about with the ball anyway. Kane leaps for a Sako clearance and needs treatment. He spends a while tending to his parting as he waits to come back on. His face is blank. Sterling has another run, plays a one two with Kane, then streaks towards the box. Saka points, the space opens for a pass. Sterling just keeps running. 

The game is getting fractious. England pass it about but don't look like getting any pressure on . The Germans don't seem especially concerned about attacking but fairly dangerous when they do. It's difficult not to conclude that Kane is wandering about up front looking pretty languid but the first change sees Grealish on for Saka. I realise DCL isn't even on the bench. That seems a bit weird. We've got about 400 players who aren't quite a striker, but we've left out the only other one who is.

Things continue as before… but then England score! Sterling drives forward, Kane squares it. Grealish shuffles it out wide to Shaw who slides it low to Sterling who had continued running, into the box, checking his dart to the edge of the six yard box quite brilliantly, gliding in perfectly and just lifting a boot to guide it home. So calm. He looked like he was roller skating in, then lifting a toe to put the brakes on.

From the kick off Maguire concedes a free kick on the edge of the box. Germany slam it into the wall. The cheers match those of the goal.

Now Pickford is going insane on the edge of the box. He's in full on road rage mode. Sterling has dropped a pass short, Germany have raced through the middle and Muller has been free and slid a shot that looked destined to nestle into the bottom corner inches past the post. Pickford is not happy about that. 

And then the languid half arsed hopeless bastard only goes and does it. He shuts up the doubters. Shaw steals possession on the half way line. He strides forward, then plays it wide, Grealish takes a stride or two then whips it across the face of goal. Kane collapses to his knees and glances it home. 

Henderson and his long legs come on. Stones heads away. Shaw heads away. Maguire heads away. Joachim Low contemplates a career beyond football perhaps. Maybe he could design brutalist architecture? Or be an art terrorist? Germany try a bicycle kick but it goes wide. Germany launch it long, Pickford catches. Walker heads away. Low purses his lips. 

The whistle goes. 

--- 

Kane applauds with the same face he wore at kick off. Grealish looks adorably happy. Sterling has a cheeky smile. I like the way he just looks chuffed. A player who has had that much stick could be lording it, pointing to his name and strutting about but he just looks pleased. The bouncy castle blows out his cheeks and raises his arms. Henderson drinks in the applause even though he didn't seem to actually touch the ball. Even Klinsmann seems to be enjoying himself, which makes a nice change from the performative anger of some of the other pundits when things don't go their way. You don't need to win 5-3 if you don't concede any goals. Without playing particularly outlandishly brilliantly in any one game, without really totally dominating a match or blowing anyone off the pitch, England have reached a position they look to be strong favourites to reach the final. The defence and the defensive elements of the midfield were excellent today. The attack was good enough to score twice. Imagine if they'd picked Jerry Yates? We'd have got it won already...