So far... so good

At this remove, football seems an abstract concept. It's something that happens on DAZN in another part of the world. Observing the slow paced spectacle of multi millionaires sweating a lot whilst also sometimes not really seeming to try very hard, attempting to win a competition that no one can agree whether it matters or not, I feel very distant from the kind of bone chilling, leg crunching blood and thunder football of a mid January League One game.

Midsummer can take on a dreamy feeling. The days seem endless, even in the current gloomy weather. The world though is one giant clockwork certainty. Soon we'll look back on summer from the perspective of autumn and then, in turn winter. The nights will draw in, the temperature will drop, the floodlights will burst into life.

We've definitely turned a page. The chapter entitled Critchball has been reformatted and struck out. A failed attempt to relight a fire, abandoned early last season. Steve Bruce managed to find some kindling in the ashes and get an unsteady flame flickering but it was never a truly convincing blaze. Don't get me wrong, we were grateful for the warmth that the Supreme Steve managed to create - but there was always the sense we needed more fuel.

So, this summer, we've been out into the woods, foraged for wood and from where I stand, it seems we've done a grand job so far. I'm no expert in signing footballers, but shopping falls basically into two categories. You can either go the the supermarket with a neatly formatted list and steadily make your way around, ticking things off as you go- or you can run madly from aisle to aisle filling your basket with what happens to be on offer or takes your fancy.

This season we seem to have plumped for the former approach. It feels as if we've written a metaphorical list on the fridge door and that we've taken that our with us and have returned with at least some of what we need in our bags, rather than a random collection of things we're not sure what to do with. There's a lot to be said for a bargain, but the problem with hoovering up only the offers and reduced items is you end up with a confused and overstocked fridge full of things about to go off and because you haven't properly planned it, you lack other items that would allow you to turn the things you've bought into a meal. I'm not a man of great planning and routine - but shopping is one place where a bit of discipline and forward thinking definitely applies and I'm glad to see that Steve Bruce and David Downes have opted for a steady and focussed trudge around the supermarket of football, rather than a fitful dash

Everyone we've signed falls into the category of "was an important player last season for a club who were us or better" and equally importantly, none of them fall into the all too familiar category of "if he can stay fit/if you can get him fit - there's a player there" with all of them playing regular football at a good level over the last few years.

We seem to be following the plan Bruce and Downes outlined at the mid season event - we're putting our resources towards wages and trying to cultivate a smaller squad of higher quality and reliable players, rather than a larger squad of punts and gambles. Less is more.

Time will tell if that's the right approach but I like it as an idea because for too long, it's felt like we've had players taking up a first team squad place who aren't really threatening the fist team but also blocking an opportunity for a young player or an investment in new talent.

I find it difficult to really assess the signings in depth. I struggle to really evaluate a player until he plays for us. I'm not a pundit, I'm not a scout - I'm just a bloke with a blog he writes for no apparent reason. I just don't watch the opposition or a neutral game in the same way I watch us - but all the signings make sense to me - for whatever that is worth (which is probably not a great deal.)

I'm delighted to get Ennis back (who, of course, I do have an opinion on) as I like his gritty willingness allied with a bit of sharpness and skill. He's not a million miles away from Jerry Yates in his style, a determined irritant to opposition defences and I wonder if we've yet seen the best of him.

Honeyman is an amazing coup - a player with considerable experience at a higher level, who seemed at home in the division above and who possesses both determination and no little skill. He's not the same player as Carey, being less of a dribbler and more of a touch player - but he brings a certain adventure to us that we'll undoubtedly need.

Horsfall is another coup coming from a team who were right up there and being a key player for them. It's evident from his numbers that he's dominant in the air but his passing stats suggest a reasonable quality on the floor as well. Iheikwe comes with good reviews from Wednesday fans I know and has largely played his football in the Championship. I'll freely admit I don't know a lot about the keeper - but he started at River Plate and brings a lot of potential for chants and exotic cult status so I can't not like that.

We've brought in a hell of a lot of experience and (as you might expect from Steve Bruce) the central defence looks potentially outstanding (assuming we keep Casey) and what we've bought, definitely addresses some of the shortcomings - but there's still a lot to do. CJ alone as a left side option doesn't cut the mustard, we've only got one keeper who isn't a nailed on first choice (something Bruce has acknowledged openly) Andy Lyons is an unknown quantity as the sole right back and we don't possess a defensive midfielder (link with Jordan Brown would suggest we're well aware of that long standing deficit)

There are, of course other positions where we might want to upgrade - but for me, I want to see us balance the experience with some more youth. Despite valid critiques of our transfer policy at times, we've done ok in terms of finding younger players and giving them a platform. Yates, Bowler, Joseph and Grimshaw have brought in good money. Carey, Anderson and Ekpiteta potentially *could* have brought decent fees in different circumstances. Casey almost certainly will command a few quid one day, Morgan and Apter might also make a step up on the back of good performances for us.

The one thing about the players we've signed so far, is few of them will attract much at the end of their contracts and I think it's important we stock the cupboards for the next 2 or 3 years and ensure we have the assets developing to fund the next rebuild.

In our own ranks, we have Bondo, Upton and Knight who spring to mind as the players currently with a shot at a future (it seems we'll lose Schluter, a fact that underlines the frustrating and in unequal playing field in youth development) but all of those are far too big a gamble to imagine being the next million pound plus sale - it's no sleight on their abilities at all, but it's a stretch to have any confidence that any of them could could even establish themselves on our bench, let alone prosper, such is the brutal attrition rate of youth players attempting making the step up to the pro game, even at League One level.

Essentially, I think good football teams are generally a blend of abilities and ages - alongside the solidity and experience, you need a few wildcards. You need experience to ground the youth, but you need the youth to energise the experience.

Whilst the job is ongoing, the most important thing about this close season so far, is that the club has acted with a sense of purpose. The stadium will be refreshed and improved when we walk back in to it. Season ticket prices were addressed in the right places - something that goes a long way to restoring a sense that the club values the support and we've recruited thus far, with what feels like a sense of ambition, confidence and purpose. It's hard not to feel some positivity in these circumstances. 

We have, as I've already suggested (and Steve No1 has also acknowledged,) still got plenty to do - and in the remodeling of a team, there is of course, the danger we get it wrong. Football history is littered with preseason excitement yielding disappointing realities There's a possible future where, by November, Bloomfield Road is a frustrated place, bored of watching massive players trundle around smashing it up front and then looking leaden footed as teams pass around us and all the dire warnings from Newcastle fans upon Bruce's appointment come back to haunt us.

 

I don't think that will be the case though. I think the precise reason why Bruce seems to fit us so well is because he knows that he can deliver what we want and that, however you cut it, whilst we're not in a position to buy the league, we're on the bigger end of the teams in this league - When you look at the basic numbers (i.e. how many people pay to watch us play) we really should always have a sporting chance at competing and therefore, he can build a side to play some football, score some goals and express themselves a bit.

 For all of his prior attritional reputation at certain clubs, he's a manager forged in the ethos of Manchester United and in sides who, whilst less technically and tactically complex than their modern counterparts at the top of the pyramid, possessed players of game changing skill and largely, played 'we'll score one more than you' football rather than 'we'll strangle you and stop you having the ball and score one goal' football. To put it another way, our recruitment thus far has been quite focussed on the Pallister and Bruce types - but I can't believe he won't have a few Sharpe, Kanchelskis, Giggs or Cantona types on his shopping list because this is a man who surely knows (and has said multiple times himself) you win games with match winners.

I think Bruce is here for one last dance and is listening very carefully to the music and moving in perfect time with it. I think, whilst he wants solid foundations he wants those to be the basis for something that both he and we enjoy. I think he's a man of remarkable resilience who has had just about everything football and life can throw at him, thrown at him and has emerged, ready to snap off the ends of reporters questions, to put an arm round players and whisper some gently spoken words in their ears, to front up when we're crap and to smile softly and modestly praise the players when we're good. 

I know of at least two of our players from last season who thought Bruce was the best manager they'd worked for. It felt brilliant to be in crowds where we were behind the team, even when it wasn't going very well. It feels as if our owner trusts him too. Perhaps most importantly, pretty much every time he speaks, he exudes a sense that he's enjoying what he's doing and that enthusiasm is unexpectedly infectious.

None of this is any kind of promise of success. Football doesn't work on preseason vibes alone. Nonetheless, none of this resembles the mood of the last 3 pre-seasons which were marred by divisive appointments and characterised by, yes, some signings that worked in the long run, but also, a lot of insipid business in the transfer market and at times some odd choices off the pitch. That's the past - the beauty of the game is the, the book is never ending and new chapters always being written - this one feels as if it's a story of a club where everything is pulling in the same general direction.

For the third and final time, there's still a lot to do. Regardless, the signs so far are encouraging...

Something tells me, I'm into something good.

Onward!

You can follow MCLF on facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Threads and Instagram or use Follow.it to get posts sent to your email If you appreciate the blog and judge it worth 1p or more, then a donation to one of the causes below which help kids and families in Blackpool would be grand.

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Writing about football is possibly a bit pointless in an era when there's the telly and youtube and videos all over the shop. It's not my living this and it's just something I do because I do so there's no problem with reading it and then getting on with your life - If you do want to chuck some money at the cause of some random fella writing shit no one ever asked him too, then Patreon. is a thing.

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Cheers Sonny!

'A moment of brief joy in a dark season of relentless shit' - Medium - Grass and Knees - Artist: Carey, S (Hull, 26,12,22)

This is a long piece about Sonny Carey. Why? Because it is. Fuck off and listen to Jamie O'Hara wind people up or read some AI generated transfer rumours if you want something else. I'm not making you read it.

You've had the 'trigger warning'  - Lets go. 

I often wonder if I've not properly grown up. I always seem to have a favourite player who I can't see fault with and I will allow no criticism of. It's childish, it's like a teenage girl who elevates their boyband idol to demi-god status. As an adult, I should be capable of objectivity, instead of viewing things in such a one eyed way. Maybe I need to face up the fact I'm 40-something (I've reached the stage where I'm not actually sure without doing the maths) and this kind of pathetic fanboi act is at best sad and at worst, cringeworthy and perhaps even a bit creepy. 

Maybe. 

It would be boring as fuck not to have any heroes. It would be beige just to view football as if I was a coach or a pundit. I'm not. I'm a fan. I'm a kid who played endlessly, who used to smack a ball against a wall on my own when noone was out, who commentated on imaginary games in my head, who wanted and still wants nothing more than to walk out onto a football pitch and soak up the crowd and lose myself in the game. Are we supposed to just forget that and see it all as some kind of hyper serious exercise in something 'very important' 

Fuck that. We're fans, not fucking analysts at a FTSE 100 company. I'll like whoever I like and watch football however I wish. 

The thing about football is, whilst it's about the team, it's also very much about the individuals within that. Football is about points on the board, but it's also about the stories and the characters that win or lose those points.

The team stuff is kind of predictable. Mostly it goes like this 'Owner spends money and manager either spends it well or badly but generally, if the owner spends money and the manager spends it well, then the team who spends the most will usually win out in the end.' The success of teams is essentially (and provably) generally related to their spending.

That's fine. It's always been thus. If that's all there was, it could get boring. Football seen in that way is basically like watching the stock market. The managers invest in commodities, the portfolio rises and falls accordingly.

What keeps us engaged (or what keeps me engaged anyway) beyond that is all the personal dramas. It might be whether a striker can reach a certain goal mark. It might be whether a player can recover from a crippling injury. It might be whether player A or player B wins the shirt, or how they react to being substituted, the way they run, the character they show or whatever else it may be. The players are the point of empathy.

You can't really empathise with a club - you can be a part of it, but you can't imagine yourself as it, because a club is a broad idea, not a human being and a player is like you or me. Human. Ash Fletcher's career being reignited, Owen Dale playing on through tragedy, Joe Nuttall's on pitch semi-breakdown at Rotherham, Richard Keogh screaming into the crowd because he's found the joy in the game again, Jerry Yates in Wetherspoons, the controversy and the redemption arc of Gary Madine, CJ having to be told the crowd are singing his name and a broad grin of disbelief forming as he soaks it up and so on and so forth. Footballers are people, individuals with lives, emotions and thoughts within the abstract construct of a 'club'

This is where Sonny comes in. I recall, clear as day, driving over to Southport (it absolutely hosed it down) and Sonny getting his preseason debut. I didn't know what to expect. I'd never heard of him because we'd signed him from Kings Lynn Town - generally speaking, players we've plucked from non-league haven't been very good. Off the top of my head, I can only really think of Brett Ormerod who was any good (in fact, outstandly so) and David Eyres in my time to balance against all the others who really weren't any good at all. There's your Jarrett Rivers, your Matt Shaws, your Rory Prendergasts, your Doug 'massive head' Tharmes. They turn up, they struggle, they go. 

Sonny that day was immaculate. It was only Southport in a fake game, but instantly I noticed he could control the ball, move it quickly, he moved around the pitch easily and naturally and he didn't look in anyway deferential to the experienced players about him. He didn't stand out beyond them - but he fitted in - for a lad from nowhere, that was unexpected. 

His first season saw him shooting on sight, haring towards goal. He was exciting. He played a bit part that first year, but he put in some good performances. He shone against Boro in the League cup, he ran the game at Reading, giving a ridiculously composed and skillful performance linking the midfield and attack. He came on at Sheffield United and rattled the bar in a game we'd been pinned back against the wall for most of it up to that point. He came into central midfield on New Year's day at Huddersfield and was giving a great account of himself when he broke his foot and wasn't seen again till the next season. 

I don't want to suggest he was perfect. though - on occasion - with the ball in the air and tackles flying in, he resembled the non-league kid he was a few months dropped into a game at an infinitely higher level, lost, baffled, a bit scared even. Like I did when I started my first 'proper job' - red faced, trying my best but not able to do what the other did with ease. Wondering if I was actually a fraud. 

The second season... Lets not eh?. If you could design a season to set back the development of a footballer, it would be that one. A confused mess of a season. A fuck up of a season with injury crises, terrible recruitment on and off the pitch, tactical ideas that swing from one extreme to the other and an increasingly toxic atmosphere. Did Sonny disgrace himself? In my book (which admittedly is, the 'big book of seeing Sonny Carey through tangerine tinted glasses') no, he didn't.

A heroic sending off at Burnley, a disgracefully filthy pass in the 4-2 win against PNE, a glorious kneeslide at Hull away in yet another losing cause and lots and lots and lots of running about with Charlie Patino - as a pair they had technical ability, but with absolutely no steel at all alongside them. Trying their best in what was an increasingly hopeless cause. The absolute essence of this was Wigan away, where the pair of them ran themselves into the ground doing things they weren't fundamentally built to do in a side down to ten men and we lost to a last minute goal by a former player and post match the atmosphere was toxicity defined. Run your legs down to bloody stumps and then get screamed at by angry blokes who've had 8 pints. Football eh? The beautiful game. 

Do I blame either of them for us getting relegated? No, far from it - that's blaming your trousers for your feet getting wet because you don't have a pair of shoes. It's blaming two peasants with air rifles for not being able to stop tanks in an invasion. Blaming the players we did have for not having the players we should have had is unfair and for a 21 year old with very little experience he shoulders a lot of responsibility in that nightmare season. 

Season 3. This is the year he'll break through. Just you wait and see... 

I'm at Fleetwood. Someone says 'fuck off Carey, you cunt, Critchley, get him off, he's fucking shit' - Sonny looking stony faced, trudging towards the tunnel. He doesn't deserve the opprobrium - we've been terrible and Carey hasn't done anything any worse than anyone else but he seems to be 'that player' for some now. 

Second half, he scores twice, two lovely strikes from deep. I'm not a fighter by instinct but I'm launching myself down the terrace and shouting 'fuck off Carey you cunt' and leaping around laughing like a maniac. I think people are looking at me a bit strangely. It's fair enough I guess. This is a season though, whilst he seems to nearly score a lot he doesn't actually score that many. He's rarely let off the leash. He's a cog in the masterplan. The masterplan is everyone who isn't Kaddy keeps the ball and everyone who is Kaddy (that's just Kaddy) will score a goal somehow. 

This season makes me sad. It makes me sad to see how football has chewed up the once twinkly, determined and inventive Critchley and turned him grey, cautious and predictable. It makes me sad to see Sonny, the kid who a few years ago would turn and run, spin on a sixpence and crack a no backlift shot out of nowhere seemingly becoming a run of the mill and forgettable player. Yes, he's a bit better in the tackle, yes, he's bulked up and yes he's more disciplined positionally, and less prone to a stray pass - but where is the joy in him now? 

It makes me sad that many see his fundamental nature as 'safety first' - to me, it seems obvious that's not his actual game - and yet it's how he plays because he does as he's directed. It's his job, it's what he's being told to do. Sonny isn't a player to disregard the instructions. If anything, he's a player who will do exactly what he's asked whether or not it's what he wants to do or what is his strongest role.   

It makes me sad that maybe that's what being a professional footballer is all about - quashing those childish desires to run at the goal and shoot and instead embracing the grown up ideals of ball retention and passing accuracy and keeping shape and all of that. People are getting bored of him. He isn't the fearless wildcard player he seemed to be in that first season and the player we all hoped he would turn into. He's neat, he's tidy, he shows for the ball and moves it on, but there's only very subtle hints of there being anything more. Maybe the flame has gone out?  Maybe he's just Grant Ward but not as good. That's a sad conclusion really. It's sad too when one night, I can't remember the game, Carey is substituted but near me, someone keeps abusing him for the mistakes of others because they haven't noticed that Albie Morgan isn't Sonny Carey. Such is life but such is the position he seems to have lodged in the minds of some of the crowd. 

The whole squad play that season as if 'making a mistake' is the worst thing that could happen. Maybe it's Critchley, maybe it's the season before, maybe it's the tetchy atmosphere that seems to pervade everything, maybe it's the system - but Sonny looks like he's in his shell in a side that struggle as a whole to express themselves. This isn't playground football. It's a boring office job football. It's photocopier code football. It's possession stats as a balance sheet and mundane talks about policy and protocol as motivation football. 

I swear though, the lad has got it still because every now and again, in the game at Fleetwood, int the chaos of the Peterborough 10 men match, he plays a blinder - it always seems to be when the plan has gone out of the window. 

Critchley is gone.

Sonny is injured.

Steve Bruce is here.

I'm not convinced Steve Bruce is the man to ignite the fire under him again. Surely Steve Bruce is a boring and pragmatic man who likes big lads who look like wardrobes and head it a lot. He quickly signs Josh Onomah as if to prove that supposition correct. 

Sonny is back. He scores a couple in the cup. He plays a bit like the Sonny I thought he was. He gets on in a few league games. Away at Wrexham, we're facing an absolute onslaught and he comes on and looks lively. He runs at them, he looks fearless. Nothing actually comes of it, but it's nice to see.

He creeps into the team. He scores one, he scores again. He can't stop shooting, he can't stop bursting forward. The manager has cleared his head. He doesn't look as if he's weighed down with instruction or in mortal fear of losing the ball. He just gets better and better. He scores another brace and amazingly, it feels as if actually, he could and should have had four. He's dribbling like he's never done before, he's half a yard faster, he's leaping for it in midfield and winning headers, he's gritting his teeth and going toe to toe and frankly, I think he's our best player for a sustained period. This is Sonny Carey as I thought he was, but actually, if I'm honest, better. I scream "SONNY FUCKING CAREY" in a manner that is frankly weird and bit aggressive as he hits the net again and around me people must think 'whats up with that guy?' 

I never saw Paul Gascoigne in the flesh. His peak coincided with my childhood years of football obsession though. His fearless and aggressive attacking style defined in my mind what joyful football looks like. It's absurd I know to compare Carey to Gascoigne but for a few months, for a few games, Sonny is a joy because there's just a bit of that about him. There's one thing in his mind and that is, to get free, get up the pitch and have a shot. He does things quickly, he sees a gap, he goes into it. He punishes any kind of space.

I never saw Bobby Charlton either, but there's something about the way Sonny thrives in a kind of inside/outside midfield/wing hybrid role where he is instructed to take it and charge with ball that reminds me of the way I've seen Charlton on video take the ball and carve out a great gouging gash up the middle of the pitch and smash a shot in. There's a simplicity to it. He's not doing three step overs and a passing triangle that goes nowhere. he's not playing square passes any more. He's just finding space and running and having a shot that is usually on target or close and it's glorious to watch because after the last two years of stuttering form he's consistently doing a job and playing a role that he's clearly enjoying. Missing a chance doesn't see his head go down. Losing the ball doesn't seem to phase him.  

If anything, Steve Bruce has done too good a job with him. He's the joint top scorer. He's got the best record of shots per game in the squad. He's a midfielder but he outperforms the strikers. Sonny's greatest attribute is the space he finds. Some call it 'hiding' - but that's the fucking point of him. He finds pockets of space. That doesn't work if he's been tasked with playing in the middle of the meat grinder without anyone winning the ball for him - but Bruce is observant and adaptable and concludes that he can thrive if we make use of that ability. The very attribute (his ability to drift and find pockets of space, a skill which by the physical definition of it is the opposite of 'getting stuck in') that has seen him defined in the heads of some as a 'shirker' is the very attribute that makes him extremely effective in the time Bruce has him.

There's some fucking about with contracts. There's a knee injury. It's clear after a few weeks of noises from the club about deals being offered that Sonny has suitors. Why would he not? The Carey that Bruce has unearthed is fit, he runs miles, he tracks and blocks passing lanes, he scores goals, creates chances, keeps defences honest and he can  pass a ball. He's always done some of that stuff, but he's doing it with impact now. Nathan Jones has a look. The nutcase Welshman like him. He gets him. Simon Sadler might be going for it this year, but we're not a championship side and they are. It's over. Sonny is gone. 

The Sonny that came here looked like a gust of wind might carry him away. He looked like he'd blown over from a kids kickabout, a player full of talent but in need of a good feed and a hot drink. The Sonny that joined Charlton is a man and one who should have self belief in his legs and mind. To be seen and recognised by a man with Steve Bruce's calibre should give him the belief to be the player he is regardless of where he is. 

Lets be fair though, I don't really care what he does for Charlton. Charlton aren't Blackpool. I do care though, what he does for himself. I want him to succeed. I've never met Sonny. Never spoken a word to him. Almost certainly never will - but I feel an odd kind of protectiveness towards him. He isn't Paul Gascoigne, he isn't Bobby Charlton - but he is a footballer I enjoyed watching and a player who isn't the identikit player moulded into a uniform cog in a predictable system. 

The development of footballers is like intense battery farming. They're hothoused and prodded and fed up on protein shakes and weight training till they meet the requirements. They're put through endless, endless endless drills to understand technique and tactics. Ability is part of it, but there's also a sense that it is the most compliant that make it. The ones who consistently follow instructions and subsume themselves to what is becoming an increasingly systemised game. There's an identikit nature to many of them. 

Sonny was an anomaly when he joined us. He'd spent 4 or 5 years of his development from 15 to 20 in non-league. That's like someone going to do a doctorate who hadn't actually done their a-levels in a class of people who had gone to college and university. Football is an unforgiving game and fans are very quick to pounce on the flaws of a player. Your own fans are the harshest judges - the opposition fans don't notice you unless you stink the place out but the home faithful will have you under a microscope and Sonny attracted scrutiny because undeniably, he wasn't the finished article. 

Seeing him apply himself to alien roles and certain situations was literally watching a player learn on the job. At times you could see the cogs turn, at times you could see the self doubt written on his body and in his play. At times he looked uncertain - and why not? This is a player who had been rejected by the game, a player who had spent his formative years, not at Arsenal or Manchester United but at the Isthmian League North's Wroxham FC in part time football. A player who lacked thousands of hours of the kind of practice that comes with being in the professional game. 

We forget footballers are people. We see them as a bunch of statistics and a value, we see them as a position and some attributes. When we signed Sonny, he'd fought his way back from rejection. He'd played through non-league and taken a leap that barely any players manage to pull off, going from where he was to where we were. For every Jamie Vardy, Brett Ormerod, David Eyres or Ian Wright who makes it out of non-league into the game, there's hundreds who get a chance and don't make it stick. Sonny has made it. He's likely now a footballer till his legs give way. He's a championship footballer. He's shown the idea of being 'league 2 at best' or 'too lightweight' or whatever else he was labelled with as a nonsense. 

I sometimes wonder what I could have done with my life. I think we all do. Most human beings have talent for something or other but most of us lack the discipline and belief to actually apply it. When I was much younger, I told myself I'd get round to writing a great novel at some point whilst in actuality mostly smoking weed and drinking cheap cider because writing even a shit novel requires some actual effort. I wrote some stuff when I was about 23. It was half arsed and I did nothing with it. Didn't even show anyone. I gave up at the starting block, never mind any hurdles. Sonny Carey might have given up at many points along the way. Giving up is easy. Excuses come quickly. Giving up is safe. Go home, watch the telly. Be normal. Forget your dreams.  

He didn't.

People vastly underestimate what even the very worst professional footballers do in order to even get to the edge of the game. People resent anyone who isn't perfect. They want them hauled away and replaced by someone better. They demand players are sold, released, shot at the training ground at dawn and then in the next breath demand 'loyalty' from players who don't appreciate their support. Football is a fucking brutal game played out in front of the cruelest crowds. That's what makes it electrifying. 

I couldn't even find the courage to test my own writing in front of no one at all in the comfort of my own home. Sonny came from the outside, left all he knew, put himself through the unforgiving scrutiny of thousands of eyes feasting on his every mistake and watching every moment of self doubt and came through it. How the fuck can I not admire that? 

I loved the lad's mixture of arrogance and fragility. I loved how he played with both the anger of a man and the fear of a kid. I love the incongruity of Steve Bruce being the man to unlock him because it sums up the mental nature of football that a craggy, broken nosed centre back can 'get' a technical player like Carey better than vaunted technical coaches with high minded ethoses. I loved how, in the end, his fundamental style survived the chaos of relegation car crashes, wild swings of style from one season to the next, the misapplication and attempted remouldings of him and all the questions about 'what actually is he?' 

He has answered the question. He's Sonny fucking Carey and he's a Championship footballer. 

I wish it was with us. It's not. Life goes on. They come, they go, we stay and await the next chapter and the new characters. 

Good luck Sonny. Remember who you are. Keep your head up. Attack. Fuck the doubters. It's a playground. Enjoy the thing. It's a game. 

Onward. 

You can follow MCLF on facebook, Twitter, Bluesky, Threads and Instagram or use Follow.it to get posts sent to your email If you appreciate the blog and judge it worth 1p or more, then a donation to one of the causes below which help kids and families in Blackpool would be grand.

Home-Start Blackpool Food Bank

Writing about football is possibly a bit pointless in an era when there's the telly and youtube and videos all over the shop. It's not my living this and it's just something I do because I do so there's no problem with reading it and then getting on with your life - If you do want to chuck some money at the cause of some random fella writing shit no one ever asked him too, then Patreon. is a thing.

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The World Game?

It's the world. But it's TANGERINE. 

As a football content creator* it's not really a good position to be in to be sick of football. I am though. Sick to the back teeth of it. It's fucking everywhere. All the football all the fucking time. Even when there is no football. Especially when there is no football. It never stops, even when it stops. Like time itself, football is wearing me down. 

*sorry

I put on the radio the other day, hoping the voices from the wireless would drown the voices in my head. They spent 30 minutes discussing hypothetical right back options for Liverpool in the wake of Trent Alexander Who Gives A Fuck moving to Real Madrid. 30 minutes on fucking right backs. No one cares about right backs. I changed channels. It was some smug smooth voiced celebrity DJ talking about 'Glasters' as if we're all going with him and reading out texts from people who have SUVs and go glamping talking about 'healing fields' with no sense of irony at all. Hopefully the world will be obliterated from space by a superior race soon and then I don't have to make the choice between lifestyle wank and football wank because my radio will have been atomised and all that will remain is dust and solar radiation.  

At least Wimbledon hasn't started yet. Tennis is worse than alien armageddon. 

"C'mon Timmy!"

The end of this season has dragged on and on and on and on and on and on and on. Our season feels like it ended about 6 weeks ago but there's still zombie games being played.

It turns out Chelsea have won something (who knew?). I don't know what it is they've won. Chelsea have been shite for years, the only fun thing about them (after Ken Bates gave up the electric fence idea) was when they were a team of super villains and Jose was an overlord of darkness but that's ages ago. I get the feeling UEFA have just given them a trophy for spending money so that their owners don't give up and stop spending money. I imagine somewhere in Switzerland Aleksander Ceferin rooting about in a cupboard and finding an old trophy from some 1970s invitational tournament and thinking 'a bit of brasso and that'll be good as new' and them just handing it to Chelsea fo't sheer craic and telling a baffled Todd Boehly 'well done, keep it up'  

In the past, football was noble and all of the people involved were of the highest moral standing

Still, we've got the Trump International Invitational World Club Super Cup Casino Challenge to look forward to. Can't wait. (I don't actually know what it's called - I may or may not have got the name right but fuck me, I struggle to remember what the tinpot Johnstone Bristol Windscreens Trophy Shield Cup is called and we actually play in that, so how am I supposed to remember what this thing is?) Chelsea are in that too. For no apparent reason. It seems being shite but rich gets you places. Again, I imagine that dodgy as fuck Fifa guy whose name escapes me but who has massive sex pest vibes handing a baffled Todd Boehly a ticket for the plane to America and saying 'well done, keep it up' 

It's easy to mock new ideas with weary sarcasm and long practiced cynicism. We (English football teams) definitely don't need another set of games and another non-trophy to fight for over summer - but, strangely, I'm not sure this isn't actually the bones of a decent idea.

So, if I take what UEFA do... and then just basically copy it as a FIFA thing by getting a few teams from here and there....... I could get ... a lovely big bonus!.... Let's do it!!!!

It's not a new idea - there was a play off between the South America and European Champions for a long time - initially this was a two legged game decided in the event of a draw by a play off. This competition then morphed into the one of 'Toyota Cup' held on neutral ground and in turn, eventually became the World Club cup - a slightly larger affair involving a few more games - but the idea of a more full blown tournament is new. Or is it? 

Actually, no, it's not. In 1960, the International Soccer League was formed - an affiliate of the American Soccer League which essentially involved inviting teams from established football nations to take part for the notional idea of being world champions. British involvement in the tournament in year 1 included eventual runners up Kilmarnock, Burnley and Glentoran. West Ham actually won it a few years later - which given the fuss they made about winning the 'giving Chelsea a trinket Euro Shield' the other year, it's surprising we've not heard more about it. 

The ISL lasted only 6 years and since then, there haven't really been any large scale efforts to create a global tournament until now. If it was doomed to failure in the 1960s, will today be any different? Maybe... 

Why now? On one level, it's nakedly a case of FIFA looking at UEFA with their money spinning annual Champions League and going "hey, we want a slice of the lovely money that club football tournaments bring!"

On an another more interesting level, it will potentially move money around the global football world in a way that hasn't really happened before - The qualifiers from, I dunno, Ghana and New Zealand and Bhutan (or wherever it is the teams actually come from) don't have a Champions League style revenue stream or a cushy domestic TV deal of their own and thus by default can't compete in a global market for players. It is just possible a well remunerated world competition might allow some of the home grown players from outside of the few mega rich European leagues to stay a bit longer in their own domestic systems which can't be bad. It's shit watching a club where any flash of talent and ability sees the player in question whisked away to a 'bigger' club - it must be even worse living in a nation where a player can play a few games (or maybe even just look quite good at the age of 14) and then be beamed to an entirely different continent as if your domestic system doesn't exist. 

Games played in Argentinian domestic system = 0

It does feel as if the future of the game may lie in this sort of competition. The struggles of promoted teams even to compete (let alone survive) in the Premier League seems to be becoming a trend as the spending and buying power of clubs is now largely dictated by their profile on the global stage. If the clubs promoted to the Premier League struggle, then imagine how most of the football world who don't have the money from the Premier League actually do? 

What I'm saying in a roundabout way is - whilst it's ridiculous to see English and Spanish clubs playing this and we treat it like a glorified pre-season tournament to be mocked and dismissed and the prize and participation money is chicken feed compared to bigger more established tournaments - for quite a few of the sides from outside of the existing 'elite' - the money is a serious prospect and thus it may feel elsewhere like a serious competition. 

Football 'eritage

We're quick (we have all the history, tradition and TV deals that any country could ever want) to wave this aside with an aloof shake of the head and declare it a pointless addendum - and in many ways, from a European powerhouse perspective, it is... but... what if it's actually any good? What if teams from across the globe compete hard, what if it throws up some new players, some good stories, some decent games? What if the thing grows? It's a really attractive idea at its heart - a 'club world cup' because there's a simple beauty to it - just as we can establish 'the champions of England and the champions of Europe' being able to establish the 'champions of the World' should be interesting surely? Wouldn't it be exciting to have some more clubs with increased financial means to compete against that very small group that have the means right now. 

In athletics, being the fastest runner in your county gets you a chance to compete to be the fastest runner in the country, continent and eventually the world, in golf, major tournaments are notable because they bring different players from across different tours, in tennis, similar (and so on) - Football is strange in respect of at club level, establishing a 'world champion' hasn't ever been taken particularly seriously. It does feel as if there's a layer of competition missing. 

It existed...

That's very probably because in comparison to the riches of the domestic and European trophies, the efforts to create a World competition have never been particularly incentivised - there has been no need for the domestic and continental bodies to back such a thing because their income by default doesn't come from global tournaments.

How seriously teams take a competition all depends on the money behind it and if FIFA can whip up enough cash to incentivise a global competition then unthinkable as it might seem now, domestic football or continental football could drop down the priority order for teams, much like the FA Cup and League Cup have over the last few decades, basically because it's worth less money to win those competitions compared to focussing on league position. 

There's clearly big, big money in football now - Virtually every team you can think of is owned by big money interests who have little stake in the identity or geography of the clubs themselves. The Premier League was itself formed by a cabal of owners who wanted more and we're foolish to imagine the same thing couldn't happen again but on a global scale. Money cares about one thing only. There's only so many spaces in Spain, England, Italy etc to squeeze into.

Even within the green bit, there's a lot of untapped potential...

It can't be long before the 'football industry' spreads its wings in search of new markets. We've seen several attempts over the years to set up money driven leagues in 'new markets' (from NASL to the Saudi Pro League) and none of them entirely convince - what we've never seen is a true attempt at club football on 'the world stage' - it seems such a simple equation as well - the World Cup is beloved, club tournaments like the Copa Libertadores and Champions League are beloved - so why not combine the two ideas into one heady melting pot of global branding opportunities replete with official airlines and official tour package partners and all of that. All of the lovely money, all of the time - it's like what's gone before but just BIGGER AND BETTER. 

I'm not sure that would even be a bad thing - for all we hear about football being the global game, the wealth is concentrated heavily in a few European leagues and a bit of the Middle East. It's surely time that South American football, African football, Eastern European football (and so on) got a chance to be more than a pipeline of talent for the small number of countries that have the lushest TV deals and to compete against the rest of the world on an equal footing. It sounds fanciful, but the success of Bournemouth and Brentford shows that with good structures and decision making allied with some good financial backing and you can compete in a league where the majority of the income comes from outwith the club itself.

The point I'm making here is, whilst neither of the aboves clubs are in and of themselves, a financial powerhouse like say, Spurs or Manchester United, capable of raising significant commercial revenues from their brand and facilities alone, the fact the Premier League doles out a huge chunk of money to its members every year has allowed those teams to compete. The gap that would exist based on old style finances (gate money = income) would prevent them from being able to enter the global market and the TV money gives them something to play with which if used well over a number of seasons can lay foundations. Who is to say that couldn't be the case for some sides around the world if a global club tournament could provide regular access to finance? 

Tokyo - a mere 37.4 million people in a single city (for scale, that's roughly 75 times as big as the actual city of Manchester, 12 times as big as Greater Manchester or about 25 times greater than the entire population of Merseyside) 

Football is indisputably the world game - it has a presence just about everywhere - but for it to thrive as a participatory sport (both in terms of attending and playing) then opportunities need to exist watch and play with quality players. 

As a challenge, I'd like you to think of the last non-European player who you'd consider genuinely world class who hasn't played a large portion of his career in Europe? I've got to admit - I'm struggling on this one. 

Juan Veron - 510 games in total - 263 of them (just over half) in South America is my best guess... Was he 'world class' - not sure...

To take a slightly more scientific approach we can look at the current World Cup holders' latest squad. We can see that only 3 of the 31 players name in their most recent squad were based in Argentina (and all of them had zero previous caps) - the only other non European based player called up was Messi, who of course, played the majority of his career in Europe. To put it simply, every single Argentina squad player who'd played international football prior to this call up had also spent a significant amount of time in Europe. 

Brazil would be the other South American powerhouse you'd look to and their squad has a slightly better ration, with 7 of the 31 being based in Brazil - however, of the 4 you couldn't characterise as 'youthful players' then 3 of those had played in Europe for considerable spells in their careers. Again, we could say quite confidently that 27 of the 31 had played a lot or most of their football in Europe. 

When we consider the passion and scale of football in South America (and that it has provided in Maradona, Pele and Messi, possibly the 3 greatest players of all time) it's remarkable that it seems largely to serve a function as a feeder system for European clubs. This wasn't always the case - Pele played 18 years for Santos, Jairzinho 14 years for Botafogo, Garrincha had a short spell in Colombia but played his whole career otherwise in his home nation - even Maradona's career wasn't wholly European - whilst his peak years were indisputably spent in Europe, he played 241 games in Argentina and 250 at various European clubs. 

They're quite into it over there...

We can take the point further by looking at the various 'World Player of the Year' awards that have been doled out under different guises by FIFA. Going from 1991 through to the most recent award, the only time a player playing for a non-European side has EVER been in the top 3 is Lionel Messi in the season he signed for Inter Miami. 32 years of club football and aside from the anomaly of Messi's win, no club from outside of the big five European Leagues has played host to any of the 'world's best players' 

The point here isn't to patronise or preach redistribution for the sake of redistribution - the point is, across the world, there are countries and clubs within them who produce an incredible amount of talent - that talent is siphoned into the academy structures of a few clubs in a few European countries and by default, that allows a very small amount of countries to compete for the de facto title of 'best league in the world' 

In the 1980s the idea of English football, (mud, disasters, low crowds, social stigma and very short shorts) becoming a multicultural global phenomena would have seemed exceedingly far fetched. In the late 80s there's a strong case for suggesting that not only the likes of Italy and Spain but even Scotland probably outranked England in terms of the quality of top clubs and the quality of player at the best teams. Certainly, for a period Rangers were able to take some of the better players away from the English league and attract a quality of European star rare in the English game at the time. 

'The money up here is great!' 

Lets not get bogged down in a 'then versus now' debate. The Premier League has solved problems and it has caused problems - it has been good for some and bad for others. The point is that it shows that 'the natural order of things' can be disrupted and that a well marketed and well broadcast 'product' can bring in a huge amount of money and that money can have a massive influence on the shape of the game on a global scale. The point is that from its position as 'a slum sport watched by slum people in slum stadiums' in the mid 80s, the idea of the English League being one of the worlds dominant and monied leagues within little more than a decade or so was as ridiculous as the idea of establishing some kind of global competition seems now. 

Foreign ownership dominates football - in the 2024/25 season, 17 of the 20 Premier League clubs had significant or complete foriegn ownership - Only Tottenham, Brighton and Brentford were owned wholly domestically. The Championship isn't a much different picture - only 8 of 24 teams were majority English owned. Even in League 1, less than half the division were English owned (11/24) 

English Football's first foreign owner... Bruce Osternan at (*checks notes*) Tranmere Rovers?

The Premier league is more dominated by foreign ownership than anywhere else - but not by a huge margin - The French top flight has only 5 of its 18 clubs who  have exclusively French ownership and more than half the teams owned entirely abroad. Serie A is 50% non-Italian ownership, I struggled to find definitive facts on Spanish ownership (the model in Spain is more complex accounting for some clubs being 'socios' (member-owned)) though foreign investment in the likes of Girona is definitely a thing and one source (Football Benchmark) suggested 6 of the 18 clubs are under majority foreign control. Germany is a well known exception and only the anomalous 50+1 rule dodging RB Leipzig would count. 

I'm not here to pass judgement on foreign ownership. In England, we have chosen to put football in the position we have in relation to markets and finance and it's inevitable therefore that what has become a global export commodity will attract interest from outside these shores. 

The purpose of my digression into ownership is thus:  football is a very desirable market but the opportunities to buy into that market are now becoming limited. The vast majority of England's top divisions are taken, most of the attractive French teams are gone, many of the Italian giants likewise and given the structures of Spain and Germany, opportunities are limited there too. 

Oaktree Global Opportunities - the cuddly US owners of Inter Milan (they're sadly unlikely to appoint Frank Worthington as player manager as Bruce Osterman did at Tranmere)

  
What then, does finance do? The market such as it, is reaching saturation point. When this happens, the theory of capitalism would suggest, new markets open up if demand dictates they should exist. There has never been greater demand for football in terms of global capital - and it seems a little naive to suggest that just because we gave the world football and then led the way in selling it out to television that things will stay the way they are forever out of deference to English and European football's predominance at this point in time. 

Here's a fun fact - (courtesy of Bloomberg) - As of 2023 (so we would presume it to have risen now) an amazing 17% of available shares in the big 5 European leagues were controlled by investment fund businesses. That's the coldest form of ownership available to anyone because its main intent is to yield a return on the investment. 

'At the end of the day Brian, it's all about results'

The shape of global finance is such that it ISN'T dominated by the same countries that dominate football. We only need to cast an eye down the list of owners to see that. We only need to cast a cursory glance at the post and pre-season tours of the big clubs to see that there is a huge appetite for top level football in Asia, the Middle East and North America. 

England has a remarkable number of professional football clubs and fanaticism matched in few places in the world. England's population is tiny compared to other nations. In fact, the combined population of 'the big five European nations (where all the best players end up) is a mere 286 million - that's smaller than the United States by about 40 milion but 1.15 BILLION smaller than China (and similarly India.) To put this in some kind of scale - these European nations represent less than* 1.29% of the world's available landmass - that means in physical terms, 98.71% of Earth is denied access by football economics to the opportunity to watch and play with and against top level footballs. 

*I could only find the globall landmass % of the UK as a whole and not 'England' thus the real figure would be smaller

I could go on all day citing population statistics but the main thrust of the argument is this: Football has done an astonishing job in popularising itself globally. It hasn't done a very good job in spreading the resources of the game proportionally and thus the opportunity and wealth resides overwhelmingly in a small fraction of the football world. 

On a sporting level, that's a bit unsatisfactory but more importantly for the argument I'm making, it limits the opportunities for global finance to invest in it effectively because for the vast majority of the world, the platform for investment (teams with a platform that generates global exposure and significant returns) simply doesn't exist. The monopoly on footballing power held by a tiny number of European countries is great for the Europeans and great for the spectacle of European football but it is limiting in a market context. 

Given the increasing prevalence of cold financial logic in the boardrooms of football it can't be long before that state of affairs is challenged because it seems illogical for it not to be. 

Lets take a few more facts. Think for a moment about some of the clubs we've mentioned, Brentford, Bournemouth. Add a few more, say, Burnley, West Brom etc. Are these really the greatest opportunities in terms of developing a return on investment? At this point in time, yes, they probably are - but if the rules of the game change and some kind of global competition were to exist then the rules of the game might change... 

East Lancashire - ideal investment zone and playpark for global elites?

Of the world's largest cities, none of the top 30 are in the 'big 5' European countries. Only Moscow (sanctions aside) and Istanbul host teams who can play in the most lucrative of competitions that currently exists. If I stop for a moment and pretend I'm an investor with my billions at the ready to plunge into football, it seems incredible to me to have no real platform to throw money at China, Mexico, Japan, Brazil etc etc. It seems a no brainer that somewhere like Rio, Lagos or Mexico City could become a global footballing power, such is the existing enthusiasm for the game and that the sheer weight of numbers in 'newer' footballing countries could create a very attractive investment opportunity... if only the platform existed... It's lovely to think of spending my money in a Wrexham or a Burnley, but come now, do I want to throw it at a decaying post industrial English (or Welsh) town or a giant , ever growing, ever sprawling metropolis whose population rivals the entire population of England?

The purists (like me (I'm back as me now, not as the cold hearted financier)) hate the Champions league format, yearning for the old knockout days and the simplicity of the competition as was. It's important to reflect on a few things though. The 'good old days' of the European Cup started with the tournament treated with outright suspicion from the English authorities. What we now see as a glorious part of football tradition started with sides (such as the ill-fated Manchester United side) facing considerable disapproval and threats of censure for merely taking part. 

It was only the insistence of Matt Busby and the backing of the FA's Stanley Rous against the Football League that allowed Manchester United to compete in 1956-7 

What I hate about the Champions League is what has become its strength - what I like or don't like isn't necessarily in step with what the average consumer of football wants  - Lets go back to the top of the article and revisit that endless Trent/Real Madrid talk. On more than one occasion, during the playing out of that boring saga, I read or heard Liverpool supporters upbraiding Alexander-Arnold for leaving to 'join a rival' - whilst this idea sticks in my craw because Liverpool's rivals are Everton and Manchester United in my uber traditional red brick terraced house flat cap and mild view of the world, for a different generation of supporters, weaned on seasonal forays into European group stages it seems entirely natural that those enmities should be pan-European... 

...and why not? Initially the English football league, whilst notionally national was a game of the industrial North-West and Midlands - Sunderland were prevented from joining the league for 3 years on the grounds that it was 'too far away' and it was a full 5 years before a London club pitched up. For around a century, if you wanted to watch games you had to travel to them and rivalries were based in physical experience because travel was initially extremely difficult (and even today, it's not easy to follow a team up and down the country.) Proximity therefore meant a big representation of away fans, a big atmosphere, a special game.

Awaydays - 1888 style

These days, if you're a Liverpool fan you don't have to go to games - you can watch pretty much every kick of every ball (first team, reserves, the lot) from the comfort of your own laptop or 80 inch flat screen and the geographical location of your rivalries don't really matter so much. It makes sense as well - In a real sense, Everton haven't particularly challenged Liverpool for anything for about 30 years. Madrid on the other hand have been involved in some sensational games against them and directly fought them for trophies in a way that Everton haven't. The truth is - for many Liverpool fans, the proximity to Everton is next to meaningless because, as a global product, their consumer base (how yer cold hearted finance types see 'fans') is also global. Most of the audience for any given game don't see proximity as a factor because there's infinitely more people not there than there. In that context, why shouldn't Madrid be rivals to Liverpool - as absurd as that might seem to some of us who follow the game in a more traditional way. 

The reason I'm making this particular point is that the Champions League illustrates what could be. It shows that new history can be formed and new competitions can become deeply established. It shows that rivalries and narratives can develop far beyond national boundaries and it therefore illustrates the potential of some kind of global competition which could potentially open up vast swathes of the world for investment from the financial interests which are yearning to shovel money into the boiler room of sport. In turn, it offers the 'brand partners' of football direct access to new markets and associations with a much wider range of locations, nationalities and identities than football does currently. If Liverpool can be rivals with Madrid or Manchester City develop an enmity with PSG then why not with a team in Sao Paulo or Shanghai and therefore why couldn't an expanded and regular World Club Trophy become a valued part of the football world? 

None of this is necessarily what I want - but for me, much of what I see as problems in English football stems from its position as a surrogate for a 'World League' - a disproportionate amount of income and attention is poured on one small island and football is like some kind of hothouse experiment where plants grow into bloated and grotesque versions of themselves fed on a rich slurry of exotic banknotes and the glare of TV lights.

I'm more than a bit tired of it if I'm honest. The grandiose pomposity of the presentation, the hangers on analysing every microscopic second of it, the ever inflating wages, the complete detachment of clubs from place and local economy- the scale of the thing dwarfs me, it becomes something I can't fathom, I can't feel it, I can't work it out - it seems as if one day it must outgrow itself, must spread across borders and break out of the confines it is restricted to now. The sheer amount of hype and noise around football seems too big for the stage it is currently on. 

Football is the ultimate meritocracy and a truly sensational participatory sport - it's easy to understand and offers a place for all sorts of different skill sets. That's what makes it a global sport. To have the ability to produce teams of top quality confined to a tiny subset of nations seems instinctively limiting to me. The structures we have in place now are a creation - a creation designed to maximise the wealth and income of the particular power holders in the game at the point of creation - the balance of power is shifting, the type and scale and source of money in the game is different - we'd be vastly naive not to assume that just because the structure of the game and the ways its competitions were run and TV money doled out was essentially defined in the 1990s that those structures can't be shifted again. 

Time doesn't stop just because you want it to

I've no real idea what format or structure an evolved and serious World Competition would, could or should take and where it would sit against domestic and continental interests but the fact is, with an increasing amount of (incredible) wealth coming from beyond the traditional seats of footballing power, the idea that money will necessarily respect those established interests seems unlikely. To me, the battle against such tournaments seems at best futile and at worst, a limiting and conservative protectionism.

The actual challenge is to define how you create such a thing and build it upon genuine sporting grounds and ensure that it serves a purpose of pushing the money around different parts of the football world. There's a vision of an invitational tournament held in air conditioned domes in oil states every year being won by the reserve teams of the big 5 European sides that is chillingly and cynically dystopian and a competing vision of an annual global tournament bringing together club sides in a dazzling and exotic festival of football that is doubtless naively utopian but actually pretty enticing. 

"and I said, ok, if this is the best football game in the world, where is Madine? You know him? Gary Lee Madine - big guy, crazy big guy. He's got a history y'know but don't we all... He can head the ball like a mile or a kilometre if you're in Europe I guess, but a long way you know anyway, what a guy and I'm like why are you all passing it around to the goaltender! you need Gary and they're like 'he's not playing Mr President because Hartlepool let him go' and I'm like 'what?!' so I'm saying someone sign the guy up for christ's sake"

Of course, it all could fall flat on its arse, barely anyone watches it and it ends with the Donald and that weird fella from FIFA (Gianni Infantino! I've remembered his name) presenting a confused looking Todd Boehly with a rubbish oversized trophy that looks a bit plasticy and telling him 'Well done - keep it up' and everyone forgets about it like the International Soccer League and everything carries on just as before forever and ever and ever... 

Onward

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