Saturday, April 13, 2024

What if we'd not had Kaddy? - Carlisle United vs the Mighty


There's mountains in the distance, their cloud shrouded topography mirrored by the novel roof of the magnificent Warwick Road end.


Three sides of terracing. All of them look big enough to create a surge. Once upon a time goals were celebrated not with #limbs but with the spread crowd concertinaing together, the higher reaches emptying into a space in front of the terrace. We're stuck in the seats though, the away terrace empty and but for a few flags fluttering manically in the wind, looking like a prison yard, all roofless and concrete grey. 




Kylian gets hit on the head by the ball in the warm up. Kylian misses from two yards in the warm up. Kylian must have to have custom made jogging bottoms to get his thighs and backside into them. The pitch is wet. The ball is knocking up spray and holding up ever so slightly.

We clap them off. We've worked ourselves up for this. Despite all the evidence to the contrary, we've still managed to convince ourselves it's worth believing. 

--- 
 
Here we go... 

... and here is Kaddy, away already, his touch is a little heavy is it? No... it's not! he's drawn the keeper, he's lifted it and it appears to be sailing into the net. YESSSSSSS! IT'S THERE! 

I wouldn't describe it quite as 'bedlam' in the stands but it's definitely a lot more than the muted reaction we've seen recently. The players punch the air, we punch the air back. We serenade Kaddy, united in the belief that we're off to Wem-ber-ley. Dem-be-le! (A-HA!) 


This is it. The game where we were really put someone to the sword. Carlisle are so poor that describing them as a league 2 side would be kind. We're going to run in 7 or 8 here and pile on the goal difference pressure. Oxford won't know what has hit their stupid yellow faces. Just you wait and see. 

We wait. It's all Pool. All that is except for a Carlisle break where a rare accurate through ball sees one of their lumbering beasts in on goals - what's this though? It's only a flash and a bang and the little wizard appearing, and it seems he has put in a brilliant sliding challenge to deny them a shot. Sing the song again. Whilst we still can. Dem-be-le... (A-HA!) 

The Carlisle keeper is trying to take a goal kick but the ball isn't sitting still, blowing back towards his goal, emphasising the advantage that playing with the wind gives us. Jimmy overlaps and puts in a frankly wonderful ball but no one gets on the end of it.  

Kaddy hits another one, putting it a yard to high. Sonny cracks a couple of effortx, the best one low, taking a deflection and looping painfully over the bar, probably grazing it on it's way for a corner. We have so many corners and nothing really seems to come of them, even when Georgie Byers is completely free, he only heads it harmlessly down and yards wide. 

Grimmy is practically a spectator. He might as well have brought a camp bed. Shayne is plenty involved, having set up Kaddy's goal with a neat little flick and burrowed through on the left a few times but he's in such a rut where he can't buy a goal. A Carey shot is charged down but loops back to us and we neatly work it wide, cross it and Lavs. Must. Score. 

Lavs. Does. Not. 

Georgie Byers has to come off. I am encouraged by the fact Albie Morgan comes on ahead of Matty Virtue, tempted as Critchley must have been to use the injury as a chance to start the process of shutting up shop. 

We do everything but score. Well, that's maybe over egging it because to score more than once, you have to actually hit the target at least twice but there's a few ooohs and several aaaahs. 


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That familiar feeling where you get the sense we might not have taken full advantage of the situation. The half started with a rare feeling of energy this season. During the half, the lads behind me offered a kind of Soccer Saturday update service. In amongst the stream of scorelines, Oxford went 1 up. Then 2 up. Then they scored a 3rd. Against Peterborough. We're struggling to get a second against a side with 47 less points than Peterborough. Who needs Owen Dale eh? 

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Wow. This half was bad. When I say bad, I mean, fucking rank. I'm used to bad football, we all are, but this was next level stuff. Normally, I make some kind of effort to put a narrative together or put things in a vaguely sequential order but aside from a nice move where Carey and Coulson linked and Sonny made an intelligent bending run onto an equally intelligent ball from Coulson and drew a decent save at the near post, there was basically nothing of worth to write about. 

Carlisle offered almost as little. Jimmy headed one away from under the bar and they had a snapshot that went wide but beyond those three things, the game was... awful. It was worth than uninspired. It wasn't even 'bitty' - it was well and truly broken. 

Brunton Park was almost silent for long periods. The stands took ages to fill up after half time as if people knew what was coming. The home fans have had little to cheer and they stood stoically in the uncovered paddock whilst first the rain and then a spectacular hail storm tested their commitment to pointless game for their team. Football fans are mentalists. 

All I else can remember is a truly woeful move where Carlisle went down the left and then just passed the ball out of play when they had at least two clear options to do otherwise, a terrible handball shout, some really dreadful crosses, Morgan getting injured but us having used all our subs and a Carey breakaway where he did the hard bit of beating two players and then got the easy pass wrong as if too prove that nothing actually any good could happen. 

It was doughy and heavy. Sometimes terrible football is great when mistakes lead to excitement but this was just...shit. It was like watching a bad slapstick act, a Chuckle Brother's tribute perhaps, none of the timing and imagination of the original, just two teams hacking, falling over, lumping balls at each other to head up in the air like crap sea lions in a shit circus. It's like watching someone play a computer game they don't really know the controls for. 

I look at the clock. There's still 12 minutes left. How? Time has been bent by the sheer ineptitude on display. Even Grimmy nearly gets caught out, dallying on the ball and coming as near as I've seen him to having it taken off his toes. 

Carlisle did almost nothing and when they did something they did it badly. Even then we seemed to enter the last few minutes in all out panic mode. There's nothing obviously to panic about but we do it anyway, the ice storm that hits washing everything in a dramatic and chilly light as Penno makes controlling the ball look like a man trying to not trip over a cat and Kylian bulldozes his way into blind alleys. Sexy football. 

The whistle. A blessed relief. The sun comes out almost instantly. That half was so bad it made the weather angry. 

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The season is almost over. Has the season started? I know it's still alive but however Oxford and Lincoln goes and even if we keep winning we've got a goal difference mountain to climb and there's no sign we'll manage that. As with any number of games we looked considerably better than the team we were playing for a spell but struggled to turn that into real impact. 

I don't want to jump onto a bandwagon and encourage the music to get louder, but CJ's touch and ability to play quick football was really not there. He's quick and that's always theoretically useful, but he slows us down too. In the first half Carey and Coulson linked well and created with Kaddy flitting about and involving himself with them and Byers just keeping everything ticking over then the ball came to the right and CJ just didn't seem to be playing the same kind of football. 

It's difficult to work out if this run of wins we've had is a sign of positivity or not. Are we just actually a few players away from hitting 3 or 4 in the last few games - or really, are we just being propped up by players who in the main won't be here next season? 

Lets pray somehow Lincoln and Oxford both manage to lose in the same game and we can score 10 at Barnsley.

You never know...

Onward! 







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