Critch patrols the warm up saying nothing. It's either all been said or he's not thought of what to say yet. Hopefully the former. A bespectacled Forest coach jumps in shock as another Forest coach blows a whistle for a running drill. As the players trot off, Keshi tries to nonchalantly loft the ball into the goal and gets it all wrong. The sprinklers come on and drench a SKY camera man and a SKY camera. The bloke ends up getting a big wodge of tissue out to dry it. You'd think they'd have a proper towel with all that money.
I like the team. 442 and plenty of intent. I'd wondered if Critch might try his patented 5-4-1, don't attack and wait for them to get fed up and then win the game on the break method today, but I'm glad he hasn't done that (at this point at least.)
---
I don't actually have a clue if any of this is in the right order - In fact, I strongly suspect it isn't. Sometimes a game is delirious fog of joy, other times, it's just a mess of smashed things. This is the latter.
The first ten minutes are quite even. It's a good contest. We look to have a physical edge, they look better technically. Wor Gaz has a header, and a sensational little round the corner touch. Bowler and Dujon do a bit on the right.
Then they score. It's really sloppy and jetlagged Kenny is left looking all teapotty after a weird touch.
We have a shot. It's deflected over the top. It's so blatant and obvious that when we don't get a corner, I have an absolute meltdown. I can see myself from outside my own body. A raging bald man shouting furiously and looking as if he's going to have a heart attack. For a while, it's ok because everyone is doing it but I don't stop and am, by the end of my extended tirade, attracting looks from people around me. Why am I so furious? What is it, about this seemingly run of the mill error, that has unlocked a pent up tidal rage of anger in me? I don't know.
What (I ask) is the point of having professional referees and linesfolk if, (here is my clever proposal) the player could do a better fucking job of refereeing the game between them instead of (and here, I think I've found the perfect blend of precise and firm language) the fucking shit fucking dickhead twats that we get sent every week.
Objectively, I know that referees and linos are just doing their best and every game features imperfect decisions. I know this. I know raging at them is the preserve of people who 'take football far too seriously and that' but fucking hell. I'm fed up of it. Refs. Not life. I think. Sorry. That. Got. Dark. Move along.
Jimmy darts from deep and turns it across the box. We have a go. It doesn't go in. Jerry does a nice run. He gets tripped. Thereafter, Jerry looks all wrong. He keeps holding his hip and not running after stuff, only coming alive when the ball goes near him. Madine has a header saved.
They score again. It takes a big loopy mad deflection and goes in. Forest have inflatables like it's the late 80s and a rubbish flare. Just one. There's something so half baked about English ultras.
Kev Stewart goes on a one man mission to make something happen. He misses with a spear tackle, which is probably for the best. Finally Forest make a mistake and Jerry gets in, but he just turns round and falls over, instead of doing something Jerry-esque. I don't like seeing him like this. In fact, I don't like this game at all.
Forest score again. I think this one was a shitty kick from Dan Grimshaw who looks as if he might have gone and got something stronger than his normal strain that's made everything go a bit blurry today. Pffffft.
We have a corner. Madine is basically wrestled into the back of the net cos that's all good. You can probably attack Gaz with a claw hammer at a corner and it'd be ok.
---
It's been shite. Forest are decent. They move the ball quickly and they are clinical. We're moving the ball way slower and aren't clinical. Our use of the ball is sloppy and left foot right foot Kenny Dougall is looking as if he's still looking for his bags on the carousel after his totally pointless round the world jaunt. Brennan "what kind of a name is Brennan anyway?" Johnson is having Jimmy and Jordan on toast and even Marvin has got tangled up a few times. CJ might as well not be there, Bowler is being marshalled by about 4 players cos they've worked out that no fucker else is going to do owt, we've dealt with Jerry already above, Grimmy is stoned and thus that leaves Dujon, Kev and Gaz playing against their XI - it is, therefore, 0-3.
---
Await the changes! What will it be? 3 up front? 4 up front? Keshi, Beesley and Lavery all at once?
Don't be daft. It's same again. Critch sends them out early to jump up and down and look eager. After a while, it seems a little awkward. Finally Forest stroll out with an air of 'what are you lot doing there already lol' about them.
For a little while, we rise to the challenge. CJ appears and comes close at the far post. Bowler has a few nearly runs. There's a big shout for a penalty. It's miles away from me, so I have no idea but we're still owed that corner, so I'm having it. Kenny cracks one that gets deflected wide. Someone else wallops one into a defender.
It's again, quite even. (it's not, we're losing by three, but you know what I mean) Grimmy has obviously had a stiff coffee and cold water thrown over him by Ian Brunskill who knows a thing or do about how to sober a man up and takes a ball off the toes of a Forest player. Marvin puts in a very satisfying tackle.
The problem is, Kev keeps winning the ball and then giving it to Kenny. Dougall just gives it him back or gives it to Grimmy. We're not carrying the ball in the middle. We've not got the beating of them wide either so they can mostly wait out the storm and then attack us in response.
Kev Stewart get booked for another 'for fuck's sake, will someone put their foot in or something' type challenge and gets hooked, despite being one of the better players. Connolly comes on. Shortly after Keshi comes on. It's nice to see him. He's been missed.
The blue booted boy gets on the end of a cross at the far post. It's possibly the best bit of football we've played. Needless to say, he doesn't score, but he's brought a little frisson to the game, a bit of movement. Lavery comes on for the out of sorts Jerry, who, in an odd way, reminded me a bit of Sullay today - he just didn't seem to quite have the faith in his game he needs, yet, from time to time, pulled out a mad little bit of skill that was lovely to watch. Whether that hesitance is physical or mental, I don't know, but if there's one player I want to score on Tuesday and be enveloped by the crowd, it's the sniper.
Forest score again. It's up the middle, low shot, bottom corner. Everything they've hit seems to have gone in the bottom corner. Why am I still here?
The ref blows. What now? It seems that Dujon Sterling, who has been probably best player on the pitch is now broken. We've used all our subs. Dujon limps away with his boot off. 10 men, 4-0 down. Why am I still still here?
We score! I think someone flicks it on and Callum Connolly belts it home. Which is nice. But ultimately meaningless. But hey! EVERYTHING IS MEANINGLESS but for the meaning we weave from it, so at least we can tell ourselves that goal shows that the tide is turning and we're going to batter PNE now we've hit form again...
---
It wasn't very good. The scoreline probably makes it seem worse than it was, but we were sloppy and slack and ultimately outrun quite frequently. Johnson did to us what Bowler does to other teams and there's no doubt Forest were one of the most organised, confident and clear minded teams we've played. We gave them a chance, they took it with both hands and we really didn't do enough to disrupt their plan, though, to be fair, it was a difficult plan to disrupt.
As Brett would say: 'It's one of them'
There's no point raging about it, cos we've done decently this year and all of those players have played out their skins more than they've not, but there were a number who looked a bit shell-shocked at Forest being decent and it felt a bit like we lacked leadership and guile. It's therefore fortuitous that Keshi and Keogh might well be back at Deepdale and we should also think that a side that has put in a lot of very full bodied displays will surely not fail to turn up twice in row so fuck it, let's just forget it. Let it go. It's only football and it's only Forest, who, with respect to them (they were good on the pitch and loud off it) and their self declared famousness, aren't the main business of the week are they?
Also, 'not turning up on SKY' is a ridiculous fucking thing to be pissed off about, as if somehow impressing some fucking dick at work that supports Chelsea is more important than how it goes when SKY aren't there - so let that go as well.
Be free, be light. Be tangerine.
---
Await the changes! What will it be? 3 up front? 4 up front? Keshi, Beesley and Lavery all at once?
Don't be daft. It's same again. Critch sends them out early to jump up and down and look eager. After a while, it seems a little awkward. Finally Forest stroll out with an air of 'what are you lot doing there already lol' about them.
For a little while, we rise to the challenge. CJ appears and comes close at the far post. Bowler has a few nearly runs. There's a big shout for a penalty. It's miles away from me, so I have no idea but we're still owed that corner, so I'm having it. Kenny cracks one that gets deflected wide. Someone else wallops one into a defender.
It's again, quite even. (it's not, we're losing by three, but you know what I mean) Grimmy has obviously had a stiff coffee and cold water thrown over him by Ian Brunskill who knows a thing or do about how to sober a man up and takes a ball off the toes of a Forest player. Marvin puts in a very satisfying tackle.
The problem is, Kev keeps winning the ball and then giving it to Kenny. Dougall just gives it him back or gives it to Grimmy. We're not carrying the ball in the middle. We've not got the beating of them wide either so they can mostly wait out the storm and then attack us in response.
Kev Stewart get booked for another 'for fuck's sake, will someone put their foot in or something' type challenge and gets hooked, despite being one of the better players. Connolly comes on. Shortly after Keshi comes on. It's nice to see him. He's been missed.
The blue booted boy gets on the end of a cross at the far post. It's possibly the best bit of football we've played. Needless to say, he doesn't score, but he's brought a little frisson to the game, a bit of movement. Lavery comes on for the out of sorts Jerry, who, in an odd way, reminded me a bit of Sullay today - he just didn't seem to quite have the faith in his game he needs, yet, from time to time, pulled out a mad little bit of skill that was lovely to watch. Whether that hesitance is physical or mental, I don't know, but if there's one player I want to score on Tuesday and be enveloped by the crowd, it's the sniper.
Forest score again. It's up the middle, low shot, bottom corner. Everything they've hit seems to have gone in the bottom corner. Why am I still here?
The ref blows. What now? It seems that Dujon Sterling, who has been probably best player on the pitch is now broken. We've used all our subs. Dujon limps away with his boot off. 10 men, 4-0 down. Why am I still still here?
We score! I think someone flicks it on and Callum Connolly belts it home. Which is nice. But ultimately meaningless. But hey! EVERYTHING IS MEANINGLESS but for the meaning we weave from it, so at least we can tell ourselves that goal shows that the tide is turning and we're going to batter PNE now we've hit form again...
---
It wasn't very good. The scoreline probably makes it seem worse than it was, but we were sloppy and slack and ultimately outrun quite frequently. Johnson did to us what Bowler does to other teams and there's no doubt Forest were one of the most organised, confident and clear minded teams we've played. We gave them a chance, they took it with both hands and we really didn't do enough to disrupt their plan, though, to be fair, it was a difficult plan to disrupt.
As Brett would say: 'It's one of them'
There's no point raging about it, cos we've done decently this year and all of those players have played out their skins more than they've not, but there were a number who looked a bit shell-shocked at Forest being decent and it felt a bit like we lacked leadership and guile. It's therefore fortuitous that Keshi and Keogh might well be back at Deepdale and we should also think that a side that has put in a lot of very full bodied displays will surely not fail to turn up twice in row so fuck it, let's just forget it. Let it go. It's only football and it's only Forest, who, with respect to them (they were good on the pitch and loud off it) and their self declared famousness, aren't the main business of the week are they?
Also, 'not turning up on SKY' is a ridiculous fucking thing to be pissed off about, as if somehow impressing some fucking dick at work that supports Chelsea is more important than how it goes when SKY aren't there - so let that go as well.
Be free, be light. Be tangerine.
Onward!
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