Squad review: 20/21 Fast, fast and faster.

Squad Goals

Once upon a time, not so very long ago, I did an end of season squad review. It was very thorough, professional and highly analytical but it's become very swiftly outdated.

Fear not! I've come up with another one, aided by knowledge gained from my extensive football career (you'd have to read the old ones for the story of that) and the fact I sometimes half listen to podcasts whilst doing other things, in which they use phrases like trequartista. Thus, you can rest assured, that having read this, you'll have some tidy insights you can pass off as your own. 

GK:

Chris Maxwell: Just about the only player who was at the club before Critch that Critch likes. (Apart from Ollie Turton.) I'm imagining the little impish one on the mobile, very early in his reign. He's saying something like 'Dave*, it's Neil, yeah, all good mate, righto, I need a goalie who can kick and pass. It's not like I'm going to have one of those in league one. What've you got for me?'

He's looking out across Squires Gate at the shambolic training ground and the shambles of a kickabout, where Armand is having a snooze, Jay is marching about pointing and stuff and Jamie Devitt has got tangled up in netting. Critch sighs inwardly, thinks 'what have I let myself into here?' and then... his eyes settle on the keeper. He's just palmed the ball away, then leapt off the ground, made himself available for the full back, taken the pass and curled it out to a man free on the wing. 

Critch's eyes narrow in satisfaction. He nods to himself and says 'Hi, Dave* listen, forget the keeper. Can you get me what you have on the other 10 positions instead? Cheers fella.'

He takes his note book and puts a big tick next to first position on the empty team sheet and nods to himself knowingly before marching off to fill a white board with lines and arrows and think about laminated motivational quotes. 

Maxwell - Proper class. 

*Dave is an imaginary football agent. 

Alex Fotjijcek:  He looks really Slovenian if you're allowed to notice that. He seems pretty good from the blurry footage of the Southport game and most of the other match he played but then he did a really daft thing in the second pre season game and I went from thinking 'he's grand, he'll do as a back up" to, 'he looks really shaky' - which is an example of why keepers have it harder than anyone else as he's only made one mistake but that's lodged it's way into my head and stuck there. 

Jack Sims: He looks like the third choice keeper at a league one club who hasn't had much experience of being anything else. Bit harsh that he got slated at Anfield when the entire side looked like a school team in the second half. Goalies get a lot of stick don't they? 

Defenders: 

Ollie Turton: Ollie 'how is he still there?' Turton as all his ex teammates call him is Critch's concession to reason. He's the pragmatic weight to a team of dreamy punts and purist philosophy. He's the ballast in the balloon. He might be functional, but without him, we'd drift off into space and all freeze to death. Ollie Turton anchors us to reality. That's the sort of analysis that you're here for. 

Teddy Howe: I like the fact his teammates call him Bundy. He's got the strength of a discarded ice pop wrapper and the pace of a cheetah. If there was a competition to 'take a player of your choice home and give him a good feed' amongst the nans of Blackpool, then our Teddy would be the pick of every entrant. Imagine him, tucking into a good hotpot and a bit of pickled cabbage, then two helpings of jam roly-poly with Enid looking on proudly.

'That'll put hairs on your chest" she'd say... "That'll stop those nasty lads pushing you off the ball" 

I think we've possibly underrated him a little bit. He's not ready yet, but he showed a lot against Barrow, he's faster than you think, and you think he's fast, he uses the ball well when he's going forward and gives his all. With a few steak dinners, and a few nights reading 'how to play at wing back' the lad could be very decent

Michael Nottingham: "He's retained Nottingham?" was what every Blackpool fan thought on reading the news. What Critch sees in him is pretty clear. He's clearly a model pro, he's dead fit, his rangy stride and long legs are handy as is his height. He's absurdly quick, something which seems more apparent than it did before when he looked rank average under McPhillips and Grayson and he's really committed. I don't think Critch really is that fussed about centre backs. It's a weird position, in that to play well at it, you don't need to be that good at football, just bursts of pace, jumping and concentrating, grappling and not getting pushed over. I think he sees Notts as having the attributes, and the right attitude to be coached in getting better. He also looked shit hot against Liverpool tbf to him. 

Marvin Ekpiteta: He's a big lad. Him and Notts aren't getting bullied for height any time soon. I like Marvin. He seems an uncomplicated, honest player and his delight at the first win was written all over his face. I think we might take him for a very decent journey. He's not a player you think 'he's too good for us' but he's maybe a player who'll grow with us because of that. He's also quite entertaining to watch as he often seems beaten then pulls out a challenge that only a player with legs that long and sometimes seemingly double jointed hips and knees can do. 

Jordan Thorniley: Seems like a proper ol' fashioned centre half. Which is sort of the problem. He seems like the centre half for another team. I like the look of him but he's a bit like a defensive Ryan Hardie of last year. You see him and think 'ah, that's what he does. Not sure the rest of the team are down with that particular vibe tho'   

Demitri Mitchell: Dead fast, daft hair, seems a bit flash to me, raised as I am on Cook, Hills, Evans, Crainey etc. To have this kid flying down the flank and looking like he's got several credit cards in his shorts pocket and a manicurist in the dressing room is frankly a culture shock. What I really like about him is his use of the ball. He seems able to cross, run and play the short pass. He's very, very exciting. In most previous Christmases, he'd be our big present but this year, he's one of many. 

James Husband: Dead good at defending, maybe not good enough for Critch at marauding forward and overlapping and all that. The perfect fullback for a promotion winning side in 1999 or whenever it was that *actual* full backs were last a thing. I'd like to see him at centre back at some point because, whilst he's no flying wingback, he can step out of defence and is comfortable with the ball in a way that you average centre back isn't and he's also, as I already said, good at defending. He might struggle in a back 4 though. 

Nathan Shaw: He's not really a left back, but I can't see him playing left sided striker either. I know I'm supposed to be salivating over signings, signings, more signings and signings, but I find myself hoping that we don't sign even more players because I like Nathan a lot, and I don't care if 'he's not ready/it's a risk/we need to show even more ambition' - I want to see this lad get a chance. He's got something. He's got plenty. His delivery is excellent, he's got the ability to use both feet, he's very careful and mature with possession, he's deceptively good at beating a player in a tight spot, defying what looks to be an ungainly physique. He's got what I loved about Le Tissier, a real grace and style in a body that doesn't look like it's going to play that way. He's also really good at switching play and in a world where everyone is absurdly athletic, I like that he's a bit slow.  More of Shaw please. I just like watching him play. 

Luke Garbutt: Maybe Sadler has a thing for left backs? Perhaps he rang Neil and said

"Look, Neil, the one thing Simon did right, was get loads of left backs. Left backs upon left backs. Couldn't move for them. It was great" 
"But Simon, I watched the videos, he only ever played one of them. What was all that about?"
"Neil, don't ask questions. Just buy more left backs" 
"But why?"
"Dont...ask...questions......" 
*click* 

He's an ex wunderkind at Goodison and I'm assured by fans of other clubs that he's "a great signing" and he's great on twitter videos and that. 

I have no idea, I can't remember playing against him, but I suspect it means my dream of seeing Nathan Shaw's languid style and golden vision are on ice for a while yet. I think in modern football, I'm contractually obliged to write a bit about 'great to club showing ambition' and all that stuff. 

Midfielders: 

Jamie Devitt: He's actually not in the squad so he doesn't count but I like to imagine he's behaving like a kid who's allowed to stay off school but his mum's working and hasn't got time to deal with him. He just eats cereal all day in the canteen, watching the telly till Critch comes in and tells him off for not clearing the bowls up and getting milk down his training top. I am forever grateful for having finally seen him play. He fulfilled my every wish for what he'd be like. A proper mixed bag of a player, terrible mistakes that had his team mates baffled, but just the glimmer that he could bag one from 30 yards any time he picked the ball up. 

Ethan Robson: Top signing. He does everything well, has a haircut that's on the right side of smart without being a daft affectation or a Frank Lampard cut and floppy enough to suggest he has a personality, without seeming like he's all 'look at me with my hair.' He seems to have more time than anyone else and just be able to find and make space naturally. He's also surprised me by being a really exciting dribbler and a proper tackler at the same time. He's dead good but also probably not dead good enough yet to get nabbed by some fun sponge of a club who are 16th in the Championship and going nowhere but just want to take our players cos they can and then stick them in their reserves. I'm looking at Rotherham with a hard stare. 

Matty Virtue: I've decided that if I was to run one of those catalogues doing discount sportswear you used to get in football magazines before Sport Direct was a proper thing, I'd get Matty Virtue to model the stuff. He's got that feel about him. He'd be really professional, wearing all the different anoraks and jogging bottoms, posing willingly all day without being a knob about it. You know who he is by now and what he does. I rate him a lot but he's probably not in the starting line up till someone gets injured, which they probably will and he'll do fine and score a few and tackle a few and pass to faster lads a few times.   

Keshi Anderson: He's quite small I think, but he looks bigger than he is. He's a bit like a horse that is swishing from side to side in a stable in a way that makes you not want to be in there with it. He's a dodgem car knocking over someone who stepped on the rink (what do you call a dodgem car area? a track? an arena?  - put your answers in a bottle and throw them out to sea. If I'm meant to know, they'll find me) He's a barrel, going down some rapids. 

A class act so far who's covered every blade of grass. There's a whisper out there that he always starts like that and doesn't keep it up, but who's to know? He looks permanently a bit cross, so god knows what he looks like if he's got an actual cob on.  

Grant Ward: If Keshi is a kicking horse, then Grant's a beautiful thoroughbred. Watching him run is a joy, he covers the ground with grace, gliding with the ball at his feet. He's not quite a playmaker or a box to box midfielder, but a little bit of both who I think is growing into his role and growing on me a lot. He's athletic and always looking to probe, he's very comfortable with the ball and has his head up and if he and Keshi can work out not to do the same thing, they'll be horrible to face as they'll scare defences by running directly at them with our wide men outside them. Last year we seemed incapable of attacking the heart of a defence. This year, we seem well set up to do so. He also takes a good corner. 

MJ Williams: He's solid and has lovely flowing hair. I think he was brought to make the team look more cultured. I don't know if he is cultured or not, but I like to think of him reading an improving book, possibly a bit of Sartre or something and having a taste for unusual teas. I imagine whoever is rooming with him saying 'Mike, wanna a brew?' and him saying 'Yeah, do us one of them rose and hibiscus ones' and the other player looking a bit taken aback. I also think he might have been bought as he can play centre half and pass as a defensive plan b for if 'put two massive lads at the back' doesn't work out and to help kill games. 

Cameron Antwi: Where's this lad been hidden? Who knew we had a lithe, energetic and intelligent midfielder who could play the Kante' role* with discipline and no little skill? Get him in the EFL cup games if he's not going on loan. 

*I'm sure the 'Kante role' is a modern affectation and is basically a midfielder that tackles a lot and is decent. Like Nobby Stiles or David Batty for example. It sounds good though. Makes Antwi sound classier. 

Forwards: 

CJ Hamilton: Alongside Maxwell, the key player who I don't think we can live without. This lad is that impressive so far, I don't want to jinx him or write about it in a public place where people from other clubs can see it. I often rail against the money in the game, but the influx of foreign players mean someone like CJ is still in Div 3 at 25, where 25 years ago, he'd be a league higher. If he keeps playing like he is, then we'll be a league higher and trying to hang on to him. He can't possibly be as good as his best every week, but I think, no matter what, he'll terrify defences and open space for others. Two feet, pace that's absurd without looking like he's trying and surprisingly good footwork and technique for a player I originally had down as 'dead fast but that's it' on first sight. 

Bez Lubala: Gets the ball and runs. Like he's on a magnetic course to the goal. Runs and runs. He doesn't seem the finished article but could be a bit of a raw gem. My prediction is that Bez will get a bit of stick, until he turns a game around with two goals in the last 10 minutes and then everyone will love him. He seems very lovable. 

Jerry Yates: Some had him down as the new Ormerod, I've got him down as the upgrade on Chris Long at the moment but with the potential to step up to Brett levels in time. He leads from the front, he demonstrates the ethos of Critchley team - every ball is chased down, he plays for the unit, not for himself. He needs a goal and I'm sure one will come. His penalty taking suggests he's not unduly worried but his touch looks a little like he's trying slightly too hard which is an odd critique to make of a player in a lot of ways. I also think Yates is a player who will shine with a crowd. He's wholehearted, he's full blooded, he'll put keepers under pressure. On telly, that effort doesn't shine through as it does in the ground and those kind of players are charged by the energy of the crowds appreciation of them playing the way they would play if they were wearing the shirt. 

Gary Madine: The return of the real goal machine in his 10 minute cameo against Swindon was most welcome. Where was the uninterested fella who'd trotted about in pre-season and against Barrow? Who is this intelligent deep lying forward using his strength to win and shield the ball then his excellent all round vision to link with the explosive and tricky players around him? Why, it's the real GOAL MACHINE! 

Madine in the middle, Yates wide? It might just work. He's like something you find in the cellar that you bought, didn't quite work out how to use it, then stuck it down there. One day you get it out and properly read the instructions and it's an epiphany! It's not crap after all, it was you, not using it as it was intended! 

He'll probably mostly come on when Yates is knackered though. 

Oliver Sarkic: Looked grand early in preseason. I don't know enough about him to say much. I don't really know where he's supposed to play, but I hope it's not as a 'false 9' because despite all the leading clubs playing it, I'm still deeply sceptical about the practice. Seems like hipsterism to me. Need to see more of him to remember what he does but it feels a bit like we bought him, then bought someone better to play where's he's supposed to play. 

Sullay Kaikai: C'mon Sullay. I feel like he's a forgotten man, even though he's played most of the games. He used to be *the* man, now he's way down the pecking order of people we get excited about. Like a Christmas present you've grown out of perhaps. He's Premier League skill level at times and I suggest you watch what he does when he drops deeper. He's got a terrific eye for a pass. What he's not done is ghost past three or four, looking entirely unstoppable and then put it in the top corner. That's the thing with Sullay. He can do that and he can look unplayable. If he looks playable but competent, then he's under performing. We have very high standards for him and I don't quite know how his free roaming style fits into a Critch side and whether playing in a more disciplined formation (albeit one that swaps at will) will be the making of him or will crush the unpredictable life out of him. I think we might see a lot of 'Bez for Sullay/Sullay for Bez' substitutions cos they have different strengths and different faults.

Basically, the key question is thus: is Sullay the new Fonz or just waiting to destroy the division? 

Dan Kemp: Looks good, little lad who can player football really well. I like to think he's Gary Madine's new best mate, so unerringly did Super Gaz find him in his cameo and against Barrow. I like to think of the two of them enjoying a ride on the teacups at a fairground, or going to the pub (Gary has a lager and Dan a fizzy drink) but given as the world is deadly again and fun is banned, they probably don't do that. 

The boss: 

Critch has managed a handful of real games and a hand full of preseason games. In every one, aside from the Blackburn game where he just chucked a load of random leftovers on the pitch in any old order, to try and play in a storm, there's been reasons for optimism. 

He's definitely proved he can coach and motivate and that he's no pushover, having cleared out the squad with a certain quiet ruthlessness. He's shown he can drill a particular style and also, to some extent, adapt, having got us playing in a more direct manner after the lovely, but slightly ineffectual way we dominated possession but failed to make too many chances in the first game. 

He's shown he's going to favour the players he signed - which is not a critique, just an observation. That seems right, really. If you buy a player, then give them the time to bed in and come to terms with what you want. 

How will he react when we're outside the window and things aren't going his way? What will he do if someone chucks a strop and he can't send them on loan or release them? Who knows. We cannot say. Similarly, it feels like we'll play a variation of 4-3-3 all year, but we can't know for sure if he's open to tweaking the formation more fundamentally against particular opponents or as a response to a bad run. We can't say if he'll stick stubbornly to particular players or be prone to panic and chop and change. It's all just guess work, but he's accounted well for himself to date and talked with increasing clarity and confidence to the cameras. 

He's done a remarkable job in turning the side from a bit of dreary squad into one where you can't see how all the flair and skill can fit into one team, but we'll see if he's able to coach a side to go for the jugular in the fullness of time. There's no doubt our main issue was pace and movement and now, we've got fast, fast and faster players who run about all the time. Can they put the ball in the net enough? Hopefully. 

I can't quite pin him down. There's something enigmatic about him. He looks like a fella whose most exciting thing in his week is a game of golf on a modestly priced course somewhere near Warrington but he's got this pixie-ish glimmer of mischief in his eyes. He reminds me of someone (no, not Paul Daniels) who I can't put my finger on.

There's a sense that if the Blackpool squad were recast as mythical beings in a fantasy world (and why the hell not?), whilst CJ would be a winged horse, the Goal Machine a minotaur and Ollie Turton, a steady league 1 right back, Critch would be some kind of guide figure who knew more than he was letting on who you just had to trust. 

It's all good. 

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